Popular Jokes
One day, a little boy came up to a man at the park.
The boy asked the man, "Why do you have a big nose?"
The man answered, "Because...I have big fingers."
An architect, an artist and an accountant were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The accountant said, "I like both."
"Both?"
The accountant replied "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the office and get some work done."
There are two guys walking down the street when they stumble upon a drunk. They walked up to him and the 1st guy said, "Sir, what is you name?"
"My name is Jesus Christ!" slurred the drunk.
"That can't possibly be, what is your real name?" asked the 2nd man.
The drunk repeated, "I told you my name is Jesus Christ!"
The two men still didn't believe him so the drunk told them to follow him as he walked into a nearby bar.
It was then they heard the bartender say, "Jesus Christ, are you here again?!"
A man was bragging about his sister who disguised herself as a man and joined the Army.
"But wait a minute," said the listener, "She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them too, won't she?"
"Sure," replied the man.
"Well? Won't they find out?"
"And who's gonna tell?"
One day, two women and a man die. When they go to heaven, St. Peter tells them they could do whatever they want as long as they didn't step on a pink cloud.
One day, one of the three people were seen walking with two ugly men. "I tripped and fell on a pink cloud," she explained, "then **POOF** here he was."
The next day, the other woman was seen walking with an even uglier guy! She said, "I was pushed onto a pink cloud. Then **POOF** here was this gross guy."
A few days later, the two women, and their ugly men, saw the guy that had died walking with a gorgeous woman. They asked him what happened. He said, "Oh, she stepped on a pink cloud."
Three friends a surgeon, an engineer, and a politician were discussing which of their professions was the oldest. The surgeon said "Eve was created from Adam's rib, a surgical procedure." The engineer replied: "Before Adam and Eve, order was created out of chaos, and that was an engineering job." The politician said, "Yes, but who do you suppose created the chaos?"
...I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.
...I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.
...I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.
...I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.
...I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.
...I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable, regardless of the amount of time given.
...I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitesimally small, is not exactly
A guy goes into a bar and orders a beer, He drinks it, and 5 minutes later orders another. This goes on for 2 hours straight, the guy ordering a beer every 5 minutes or so. After 2 hours the guy has had 24 beers and is pretty drunk.
The bartender looks at the guy and says, "How did you do that/"
The guy responds, "It's no problem. You just chug 'em back."
Bartender; "Not the drinking part, I mean how did you drink 24 beers without going to the bathroom?"
The guy says, "Depends"
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