I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

My next house will have no kitchen -- just vending machines and a large trash can.

Progress in airline flying; Now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.

You don't have any luck at all if: -The guarantee on your used car expires two hours before the car's engine does. - You start to go bald at the same time you reach puberty. -You get your BIG break and make the football team only to trip over the bench and break your leg. -You find a ten-dollar bill and get arrested when you try to spend it because it's counterfeit.

Yo momma's so fat, she plays hopscotch like this : Washington, California, Nevada, now Arizona

A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Norfolk to Las Vegas. The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant. So the boy asked the flight attendant, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The flight attendant asked, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy said that she had. Smiling, she then said, "Tell your Mother that Southwest always pulls out on time."

On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said: Let's see the evolutionists try and figure this one out.

Yo momma cooks so bad, your family prays after they eat!

Blondes are like pool tables - every time you put a dollar in, she'll rack your balls.

Yo mama is so fat, she's the reason they declared world hunger.

Little Bonnie became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?î

Why do blondes wear big hoop earrings when they go on a date? So they have some place to put their feet.