This is from a script for an upcoming animated series I'm working on. Keep in mind that Chris is 19 years-old. Setting-Turner household Characters-Chris, Johnathan, and Evan (wearing maids uniform) (Chris walks into the living room with his backpack on. Johnathan is eating breakfast, and Evan is mopping the kitchen floor.) Johnathan: Hey Chris are you ready for school? Chris: I sure am Johnathan. Evan: Hey Chris Chris: Hey Evan Johnathan: Come on eat some breakfast. I made you pancakes. Chris: I want eggs. Johnathan: You don't like eggs. Chris: Yeah I do. Johnathan: No, you say you like eggs. But then when I give them to you, you throw a fit and say they're nasty. Chris: I promise I won't.

One day, a blonde goes into a store. She gets an item and walks up to the cashier. She says,"I'd like to buy this TV". He says,"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes". The next day, she dyes her hair red and goes back in the store, but the same thing happens. Finally, she shaves her head and goes back in. When she tries to buy it for the third time, the man refuses. She says, "How the hell do you know I'm blonde?". He replied, "First of all, that's a microwave."

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter, and you didn't even pay for your sandwich!". "Hey, man, I'm a PANDA!". the panda shouts back. "Look it up!". The manager opens his dictionary and reads: 'Panda: a tree-dwelling mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.'

The blond asked for peanuts on the plane, but she once she got them, she gave them back to the stewardess and asks her to check if there really are peanuts in the bag. The stewardess asks why, to which the blond responds: "The bag says 'May Contain Nuts'"

A judge asks a defendant to stand. "You are charged with murdering a school teacher with a chain saw." From out of the audience a man shouts "You lying maggot!" "Silence in the court!" the judge shouted back. He turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel." "You Goddamned tightwad!" blurted the spectator. "Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill." "You cheap son of a..." the man starts to shout when the judge thunders back "If you don't tell me the reason for your outbursts right now, I will hold you in contempt!" "I've lived next to that lying maggot for ten years now, but do yo

On her birthday, a blonde was given a fishing rod. She decides to use the gift on the weekend and have a good time, so she goes and buys fishing gear and sets out. She goes to what she thinks is a nice fishing spot and drills a hole, then puts her rod in. She hears a man say, "There is no fish in there." So she goes someplace else and drills and puts her rod in. Then hears a man say in an irritated tone, "There is no fish in there." So she repeats the process a third time and again hears the man tell her, "There is no fish in there." Angry, the blonde gets up and faces the man and says, "How do you know there is no fish in there?" The man replies, "This is an ice hockey rink."

Every solution breeds new problems.

1) If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it will always be yours. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with. But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you had set it free....... You either married it or gave birth to it. 2) Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring. 3) My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely. 4) The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes. 5) The nice part about living in a small town: When you don't know what you're doing, someone else a

HIS and HERS Road Trip HERS: 1. Pulls off at wrong exit. 2. Opens window 3. Asks directions of a knowledgeable police officer 4. Arrives at destination presently. HIS: 1. Pulls off at wrong exit absolutely positive it's the correct one. 2. Drives five miles into wilderness, still thinks he's right. 3. Drives an extra 5 miles just in case. 4. Finally rolls down window 5. Hocks a loogie 6. Pulls up to a 7 -11 7. Gets three hot-dogs, a large slurpee, and beef jerky 8. Asks person behind counter how to get back onto the highway. 9. Gets back into car. 10. Farts 11. After he closes the door. 12. Laughs at the idea of looking at a map as he pulls away from the 7-11. 13. Driv

I had four cappuccinos at one time. I was bouncing off the walls. Good thing they were padded.

In Midtown Manhattan a police officer arrives at the scene of what appears to be a bad accident. A pedestrian is lying in the crosswalk. The driver of the car under suspicion says, "I swear I didn't touch him! I saw him at the crosswalk, I came to a complete stop, motioned for him to cross, and he fainted."

Did you hear about the sailor who died, and wanted to be buried at sea by his 5 blonde daughters? His daughters all drowned digging the grave.