We have found the perfect mate for all of you ladies out there. This mate... will always stop watching t.v. and cuddle with you without expecting something in return. Is always happy to hear about your day when you get home. Never complains about your cooking, or lack of. Never gets mad when you roll over in bed and say you're too tired. Never yells back at you when you are having a mood swing due to pms. Finally ladies here is your perfect mate.... A PUPPY!!!

Why does Tigger smell so bad? Cause he's always hanging out with Pooh.

Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move. It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time. Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks. Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axles, and buffalo meat on hi

The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions. "Ever have an accident?" "Nope, nary a one." "None? You've never had any accidents." "Nope. Ain't never had one. Never." "Well, you said on this form you were bit by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?" "Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."

You momma is so stupid, she went to the Clippers game to get a haircut!

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1. Wake up and stumble in the room 40 minutes late. 2. Blame all of the problems in America on 9/11 and Iraq. 3. Pronounce "nuclear" right. 4. Publish my dog's sequel. 5. Show off my awesome golf shot. Hey, I counted to five!

Teacher: Julia, how can you say Asshole in a nicer way? Julia: As holes.

US tourists, a man and his wife are traveling in the Middle East. An Arab approaches the husband, saying, "I'll give you 100 camels for your woman." After a long silence, the husband says, "She's not for sale." The indignant wife says, "What took you so long to answer?" The husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home."

Yo momma's so fat, when she tried to hijack a plane she couldn't fit through the door. Yo momma's so stupid that when she tried to hijack a plane, she killed the driver, put it on auto pilot, and let it fly her straight into an army camp. The soldiers on the plane were laughing their testicles off.

Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental! Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice. Are your parents siblings? As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner. Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home? Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth? Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you? Don't you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull? Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you? Don't you need a license to

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