If your ex-lover wants you back and you want him to know your serious, here's something you could say: "Come on back and take yo space, 'cuz if you break my heart again, I'll break yo face".

The young blonde bride made her first appointment with a gynecologist and told him that she and her husband wished to start a family. "We've been trying for months now, doctor, and I don't seem to be able to get pregnant," she confessed miserably. "I'm sure we´ll solve your problem," the doctor reassured her. "If you'll just take off your clothes and get up on the examining table." "Well, all right, doctor," agreed the young woman, blushing, "but I'd rather have my husband's baby."

When I was a young turkey, new to the coop, my big brother Tom took me out on the stoop, then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow, and he told me there was something that I had to know. His look and his tone I will always remember, when he told me of the horrors of.... Black November. "Come around August, now listen to me, each day you'll get six meals instead of just three, and soon you'll be thick, where once you were thin, and you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin. And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed, in will burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head, Then she'll pluck out all your feathers so you're bald 'n pink, and scoop out all your insid

Photographing a new puppy isn't as easy as it may first sound... Remove film from box and load camera. Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle. Choose a suitable background for photo. Mount camera on tripod and focus. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens. Take flash cube from puppy's mouth and throw in trash. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose. Put magazines b

Here's a stupid warning label: If you look at a fire extinguisher, it will say "Non-flamable"

Help reduce air pollution, stop breathing

While on a game show, Justins had to identify a number of sounds. When she heard this: *laughter then plop, plop, plop* she identified it correctly right away. What did she say? An audience laughing it's head off

What does a blonde and a screendoor have in common? The harder you bang them the looser they get. Why did the blonde climb the glass wall? To see what was on the other side. What is the first thing a blonde does in the morning? Get dressed and go home

Why does it take 3 women with PMS to change a lightbulb? BECAUSE IT JUST DOES, OK!!!!

After enlisting in the 82nd Airborne Division, I eagerly asked my Recruiter what I could expect from jump school. "Well," he said, "it's three weeks long." "What else," I asked. "The first week they separate the men from the boys," he said. "The second week, they separate the men from the fools." "And the third week?" I asked. "The third week, the fools jump."

What are you laughing at? Your mom is a hooker!

What's the new name for the place where Bill Clinton does his business? The Oral Office.