How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb? One I hope.

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? Johnny a three-year-old had a lot of problems with potty training and his mother was with him constantly. One day they stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying her taco, the mother smelled something funny, so of course she checked her seven-month-old daughter and she was clean. Then Mom realized that Johnny had not asked to go potty in a while, so she asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." She kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then she said, "Johnny, are you SURE you didn't have an acciden

A blond was using a pager for the first time. When the operator instructed her to key in "10" to leave a voice message, she followed and after the beep, said, "Excuse me, may I speak to Zeron please?"

In a bi-partisan move, President Bush has nominated Dr. Hannibal Lecter as his candidate for US Surgeon General. "I think Dr. Lecter will serve with pride, fava beans, and a nice Chianti," Bush announced. In another announcement, Special Agent Clarice Starling will become the new FBI director. She's expected to work closely with the new Surgeon General on a case concerning missing former Vice President Al Gore. President Bush had recently arranged a meeting between Gore and Lecter. Lecter was the last person to see Gore before Gore's sudden disappearance in early January. Lecter noted that he, "enjoyed having Gore for dinner," but was upset at how Gore, or, rather the *subject* of Go

A priest was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners. When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life. "Were these dishes ever washed?" he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime. She replied, "They're as clean as Soap and Water could get them." He felt a bit apprehensive, but blessed the food anyway and started eating. The meal was really delicious and he said so, despite the dirty dishes. When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and called, "Here Soap! Here Water!"

Your mama is so flat chested, the last time she had a breast was in a bucket at KFC.

How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? He forgot to wrap the "Whopper"!!!

Bob was joining the army and they were handing out rifles when he arrived, so he got in line. When it got to Bob, they had run out of guns. The man issuing rifles gave him a broom ''This is a magic broom -- point it at anybody, say 'Bangity bangity bang,' and they will die.'' Bob was really worried because he didn't think it would work, but he got in line for bayonets, thinking he might stand a chance if he could stab them to death. As luck would have it, Bob's turn came and they had ran out. ''Don't worry.'' said the man issuing them out. ''I will give you this magic carrot -- point it at somebody, say 'Stabbity stabbity stab,' and they will die." Now Bob is terrified, going into battle wi

Artery: Study of paintings Bacteria: Backdoor to cafeteria Barium: What to do when treatment fails Bowel: Letter like A E I O or U Ceasarean Section: District in Rome Cat Scan: Searching for Kitty Cauterize: Made eye contact with her Coma: Punctuation Mark Congenital: Friendly D & C: Where Washington is Dilate: To live long Enema: Not a friend Fester: Quicker Genital: Non-Jewish Hang Nail: Coat Hook Impotent: Distinguished, well known Labor pain: Hurt at work Morbid: Higher offer Nitrate: Cheeper than day Node: Was aware of Outpatient: Person fainted Post op: Letter Carrier Recovery Room: Place to apholster Rectum: Dang near Killed Him Rheumatic: Amorous Secretio

A redneck taped toilet paper to his television. He said, "Hey, lookie here, now we have free paper view!"

Q:What is the difference between a leech and a lawyer? A:The leech stops sucking you dry after you're dead.

Knock Knock! Who's there? Abbey! Abbey who? Abbey stung me on the nose!