Women Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild, and naturally beautiful with bushland around the fertile deltas. Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries with cash or cars. Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India or Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France or Argentina. She may have been half destroyed during the war but can still be a warm and desirable place to visit. Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq. She lost the war and i

Seems there was a young soldier, who, just before battle, told his sergeant that he didn't have a rifle. "That's no problem, son," said the sergeant. "Here, take this broom. Just point it at the Germans, and go 'Bangety Bang Bang'." "But what about a bayonet, Sarge?" asked the young (and gullible) recruit. The sergeant pulls a piece of straw from the end of the broom, and attaches it to the handle end. "Here, use this... just go, 'Stabity Stab Stab'." The recruit ends up alone on the battlefield, holding just his broom. Suddenly, a German soldier charges at him. The recruit points the broom, "Bangety Bang Bang!" The German falls dead. More Germans appear. The recruit, amazed at his

The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude...?" After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone."

Why did the piece of gum cross the road? Because it was stuck to the chicken's foot!

The other day I went to a zoo, but the only animal there was a dog. It was a shihtzu.

DELETE THIS NOW!

A woman just got a new job and her co-workers told her her first assignment: to fire the janitor, Don. The woman was very nervous about doing this, so she decided to get it over with fast. She marched up with her head down and said to the man, "I'm sorry, but you're fired!" Her co-workers who were watching suddenly started laughing out loud. She looked at the man she fired and he said, "I don't think you have the right to fire you boss!!!"

The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody, except one girl, laughed uproariously. "What's the matter?" grumbled the boss. "Haven't you got a sense of humor?" "I don't have to laugh," she replied. "I'm leaving Friday."

Minners - Live bait. Misrus - Married woman. Nar - Opposite of wide. Nayk - Your head sets on it. Nup – No. Orrel - Them hinges need orrel. Ormy - What the sojers go in. Pank - A light red color. Parch - Sit out on the parch and watch the grass grow. Petition - What separate the rooms. Poke - A paper bag or sack. Pokey - What the shurf and deppity puts crimnals in. Salit - A green vegetable. Puppet - What the preacher is in. Purdy - She is purdy as a pitcher. Purt near - Almost; he purt near caught that greased pig. Rang - You wear it on your fanger. Rut - That there tree sure has long ruts. Rah cheer - I was born rah cheer in town.

Mosquitos consider most people as food, but grandma's an open bar.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember everything.

You momma so stupid, when I asked her,"Why she was yelling into an envelope."She said "She was trying to send voice mail."