Yo momma so old, she still owes Moses a dollar.

After enlisting in the 82nd Airborne Division, I eagerly asked my Recruiter what I could expect from jump school. "Well," he said, "it's three weeks long." "What else," I asked. "The first week they separate the men from the boys," he said. "The second week, they separate the men from the fools." "And the third week?" I asked. "The third week, the fools jump."

Everyone can be an Echo! 1] Repeat everything a person says & does in an exaggerated way 2] If your victim tries to get you to stop by saying something like, 'I'm a stupid furball,' say ' at least you have the courage to admit it!' 3]This is the most important instruction! DO NOT LET YOUR VICTIM NEAR A BOOK!

What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper? Getting fingered by Captain Hook.

How many rich people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They hire people to do it for them.

Q. Why was the Gum so mad in class? A. It was Chewed Out!

Person #1: "Want to hear a joke?" Person #2: "Sure." Person #1: "Your face." ~ Your momma is so fat, she is overweight. ~ Two turds were hanging out. The first one was moaning and groaning. The second one asked, "What's wrong?" The first one replied, "I feel like crap."

Yo Momma so dirty, she went in for a shower and lost weight!

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A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids... "WOW," the social worker exclaims, "Are they ALL YOURS???" "Yep they are all mine," the flustered mumma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, "Sit down Leroy. All the children rush to find seats. "Well," says the social worker, then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names." "This one's my oldest - he is Leroy." "OK, and who's this one?" Well, this one he is Leroy, also." The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy! "All right..." says the

Dear Husband: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone. P.S.

Redneck Christmas Shopping You know you're a redneck when... you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend and only come back with one gift.