Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery. A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative. Practice safe eating - always use condiments. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded. If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that morality comes from morons? Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

This guy and a girl were in a golf cart and the guy drops his tees out of his pocket and the lady asks what is he doing? So, the guy says: I put my balls on them and I drive them.

Who eats cereal and plays golf? Tony the Tiger Woods.

Very stinky I can be. And a wet hole is all you see. Give me a rod and I'm happy. In the silence I can queef. No one thinks they're eating beef. And please oh please don't use teeth.

A man walks into a hotel and asks the man for a room. The clerk says, "There's only one room left, and it's haunted." But the man says, "I'll take it!" That night he heard the ghost. "I'm the ghost of Teeny Weenie! Stay here and I'll take your weenie!" and the man ran out of the hotel as fast as he could. The next day, another man needed a room. The clerk again said, "There's only one room left and it's haunted." The man said,"I'll take it!" That night he heard the ghost. "I'm the ghost of Teeny Weenie!" he chanted. "Get out of bed or I'll take your weenie!" and he too ran out of the hotel as fast as he could. The day after, another man came in needing a room. The clerk said for the third ti

On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said: Let's see the evolutionists try and figure this one out.

Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold!

What does a cow do for entertainment? Listen to moo-sic.

Jack locked up his bar and headed home. He'd been asleep a few minutes when the telephone rang. "What time do you open in the morning?" he heard an obviously inebriated man inquire. Furious, Jack slammed the phone down and went back to sleep. But the same guy called again. " You might as well stop calling," Jack shouted." There's no way I'm letting a drunk like you into my bar!" "I don't want to get in," the caller interjected."I want to get out!"

The Mexican was finally caught on the borderline of the US by an American cop. The Mexican begged, "Pleese, siir. I muss stay here in America. I muss!" But the American still wasn't convinced. So, the Mexican pleaded more and more with very bad English. At last, the cop, assuming the Mexican's English couldn't get any worst, said to the Mexican, "I will let you stay if you can use 3 words in one sentence." The Mexican thought for a while, and replied, "Is all right. I say. I say." The cop said, "The words are: Green, pink and yellow." After a few seconds of consideration, the Mexican responded, "Da phone - it rang: Green, green, green. I pink it up and sez, 'yellow?'"

1. San Diego police department, how may we help you? 2. Hi! Would you like to buy a new sofa, fridge or car? What about a vacuum? 3. Hello earthling. I am an alien. You may not know this, but right now, I am having sex with your ear. 4. Let your child answer the phone and tell them to say this: "Will you be my friend?" 5. Burp into the phone. 6. Fart into the phone. 7. Yes, I'd like to order one large mushroom pizza, and cheese sticks... 8. Hello, the president is not in his office at this moment, this is his secretary, can I take a message? 9. Saddam Hussein's headquarters. May I ask why you are calling? 10. Konnichiwa. Aji tunti wahika nu popo bwah? Bunwaf huji toe... (you get the point.)