After picking up food for his daughter's cat, George spied a new bowl for the pet and grabbed it too. "Shall I have the cat's name written on the side of the bowl?" offered the store owner. "No, don't bother," replied George. "He can't read anyway."

Knock knock Who's there? can't catch. can't catch who? me, you can't catch me!

The following is a direct quote from the Center for Strategic and International Studies report on GLOBAL ORGANIZED CRIME. FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues. The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital. Agent: Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of

How many men does it take to find anything? Zero. They have to ask a woman 1st and then after she tells them exactly where it is for the umpteenth time & they still can't find it..... The now exasperated woman goes & gets it for them in the exact place she has told them it was. Duh!!!

On opening his new store, a man received a bouquet of flowers. He became dismayed on reading the enclosed card, which expressed "Deepest Sympathy". While puzzling over the message, his telephone rang. It was the florist, apologizing for having sent the wrong card. "Oh, it's all right," said the storekeeper. "I'm a businessman and I understand how these things can happen." "But," added the florist, "I accidentally sent your card to a funeral party." "Well, what did it say?" ask the storekeeper. "'Congratulations on your new location'," was the reply.

A man awoke in a hospital bed after a complicated operation, and found that the curtains were drawn around him. "Why are the curtains closed?" he said. "Is it night?" A nurse replied, "No, it's just that there is a fire across the street, and we didn't want you waking up and thinking that the operation was unsuccessful."

Woman's guide to sex: Lay there and pretend to enjoy the experience and when it is done tell your partner it was the best you ever had. Man's guide to sex" In, Out repeat if necessary!

A woman invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her six- year-old son, Johnny, and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," Little Johnny replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the mother said. Little Johnny bowed his head and said, "Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

Do you know what to say when someone is trying to roast you? "Sorry, but my brain doesn't interpret stupid."

Colorado • Car dealers may not show cars on a Sunday. • Colorado law requires that wine be sold in containers of at least 24 ounces and spirits in containers at least a fifth of a gallon. But, at the same time, it also decrees that no alcohol beverage can be stored in hotel minibars in anything larger than miniature containers. • Colorado Springs: It is permissible to wear a holstered six-gun within city limits, except on Sunday, Election Day, or holidays. • Crippe Creek: It is illegal to bring your horse or pack mule above the ground floor of any building. • Denver: The dog catcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting, for three consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the

One day, during math class, the teacher asked Little Johnny, "If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many would you have?" "Seven," replied Johnny. "No, Johnny. Listen carefully this time. If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many would you have?" asked the teacher. "Seven!" insisted Johnny. "Let's try this another way. If I give you two apples, two apples and another two apples, how many would you have?" the teacher asked. "Six," Johnny answered. "Good, Johnny, that's right," said the teacher. "Now, if I give you two rabbits, two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many would you have?" "Seven!" Johnny said. "Johnny, how on

Read All About It! A newsboy was standing at the corner with a stack of newspapers, yelling, "Read all about it! Fifty people swindled! Read all about it!" Curious about it, a man walked over and bought a newspaper. After checking the front page and finding nothing, he said to the boy, "What are you talking about? I don't see anything in here about fifty people being swindled." The newsboy ignored him and continued, yelling out, "Read all about it! Fifty-one people swindled!"