Popular Jokes
Why does it take 3 women with PMS to change a lightbulb?
BECAUSE IT JUST DOES, OK!!!!
When a cop stops you he gives you a ticket,when a cop stops me he gives me his number.
Two guys decided to go buy two pigs. So after they bought them they wanted to know which one was who's.
So they went to the barn but when they got there the two pigs were fighting. After they broke them up one pig was missing a ear. So one guy said, "What are we going to do now?"
So after they thought about it for a while they went back to the barn. When they got there the pigs were fighting again. After they broke them up one pig was missing a tail. So the guy said, ''What now?''
After they thought about it for a while they went back to the barn. The pigs were fighting again. After they broke them up one pig was missing a leg. So the guy said, ''What now?'' The other guy said, "FUCK IT!
Why does jello have a smell when you add the powder in the water, but when it "gels" the scent virtually disappears?
Can a unborn baby fart or burp?
If a baseball player hits a home run over the fence, but then dies before he can run around the bases, does the home run count?
If a General is a higher ranking officer than a Major, then why is a major illness worse than a general illness?
Why don't they make Root Beer flavored ice cream? Wouldn't it be better than root beer floats?
Why is there never a full English dinner or tea but there is always a full English breakfast?
What is the point in saying "may I ask" and then follow it up with a question?
Is it possible to be allergic to water?
Wh
There once was an American Indian whose given name was "OneStone". He was so named because he had only one testicle.
He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him OneStone. After years and years of torment, OneStone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me OneStone again, I will kill them!"
Word quickly spread and nobody called him that any more. Then one day a young woman named BlueBird forgot and said, "Good morning, OneStone."
He jumped up, grabbed her, and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. Then he made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. Word got around that OneStone meant what he promised he wou
It was this little girl's first day of school and the teacher asked her what her name was and she replied, "Happy Butt." The teacher said, "Honey I don't think that's your name you need to go to the principal's office and get this straightened out." So she went to the principal's office and he asked, "What's your name?" And the little girl said, "Happy Butt." The principal called the girl's mother to get this straightened out once and for all. After getting off the phone he looked at the little girl and said, "Honey, your name's is Gladys, not Happy Butt." The girl then exclaimed, "Glad Ass, Happy Butt what's the difference?"
What's the new name for the place where Bill Clinton does his business?
The Oral Office.
Three college professors were driving down the highway at a very slow speed. A policeman pulled them over and explained that driving so slowly on the highway could be hazardous. The driver pointed out the sign that read "20." He explained that he was going 20 mph because of the sign. The policeman pointed out that the sign indicated they were driving on Highway 20.
Somewhat embarrassed the professor apologized and promised to be more observant.
As the policeman turned to walk back to his car, he noticed the other two professors on the floor ...looking scared to death! He asked the driver, "What's wrong with them?"
The driver replied, "We just turned off Highway 105."
Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in ravioli. He stuffs a live turtle with beef and smothers it in pig's blood.
Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...forty seven times.
The 1972 Miami Dolphins lost one game, it was an exhibition game vs. Chuck Norris and three seven year old girls. Chuck Norris won with a roundhouse-kick to the face in overtime.
Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.
Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rip
A man was walking through the Sahara desert, desperate for water, when he saw something, far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little old man sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out on it.
The man asked, "Please, I'm dying of thirst, can I have some water?"
The little old man replied "I don't have any water, but why don't you buy a tie? Here's one that goes nicely with your shirt."
The man shouted, "I don't want a tie, you idiot, I need water!"
"OK, don't buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I'll tell you that over that hill there, about four miles, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way, they'll give you
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