Having been raised a Catholic and having gone to church some time in my past, I think these are still verifiable! AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN: 1. Parish information read only during the homily. 2. Catholic air conditioning. 3. Your receipt for attending Mass. CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Congregation to lip-sync. HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY. HYMN: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range. RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass, often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left. INCENSE: Holy Smoke! JESUITS:

Mrs. O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father O'Rafferty. "Hello," said the Father, "And how is Mr. O'Donovan? Didn't I marry you two years ago?" She replied, "You did that, Father." "And are there any little ones yet?" "No, not yet, Father," she said "Well now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light a candle for you." "Oh, thank you, Father," and away she went. Several years later they met again. "Well now, Mrs. O'Donovan," said the Father, "how are you?" "Oh, very well," said she. "And tell me," he said, "have you any little ones yet?" "Oh yes, Father. I've had three sets of twins, and four singles -- ten in

Knock Knock. Who's there? Ike, Anne, Wyatt, Tillie. Ike, Anne, Wyatt, Tillie who? Ike Anne Wyatt Tillie (I can't wait till) it's three o' clock!

It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing. A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed. It is unlawful for a person to consume an alcoholic beverage while operating a motor vehicle upon a public roadway, if the person is observed doing so by a peace officer. The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home. When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone. It is illegal to d

Artery: Study of paintings Bacteria: Backdoor to cafeteria Barium: What to do when treatment fails Bowel: Letter like A E I O or U Ceasarean Section: District in Rome Cat Scan: Searching for Kitty Cauterize: Made eye contact with her Coma: Punctuation Mark Congenital: Friendly D & C: Where Washington is Dilate: To live long Enema: Not a friend Fester: Quicker Genital: Non-Jewish Hang Nail: Coat Hook Impotent: Distinguished, well known Labor pain: Hurt at work Morbid: Higher offer Nitrate: Cheeper than day Node: Was aware of Outpatient: Person fainted Post op: Letter Carrier Recovery Room: Place to apholster Rectum: Dang near Killed Him Rheumatic: Amorous Secretio

A guy walks into the Microsoft Shop. Guy: I'd like a cheesecake, please. Receptionist: Sure. The receptionist hands him a block of cheese. Guy: Umm... This is just the cheese. Where's the cake? Rec: You have to purchase that seperately. Guy: What the ----? What kind of product are you trying to sell me? Oh well. Rec: Good. I knew you'd understand. The Rec hands him the cake. Guy: So... What do I do with the cheese and the cake? Rec: You blend it. Guy: With what? The Rec hands him a blender. The guy puts the cheese and the cake into the blender and blends it. Guy: Now I have a bunch of liquid. What do I do with it? Rec: Oh ---- you retard, you're supposed to exchange the cake f

A book never written: L.O.L. (lots o' logs) by P. Lumyum

If an item is advertised as "under $50", you can bet it's not $19.95.

MORNING WOOD! Get ready... this is quite possibly one of the funniest true stories I've read in a long while! No matter how many times I read it, I still can't keep the tears away! I caution the weak of heart before reading today's joke - you know who you are - so you might as well hit the "delete" key now... (The author is responding to a woman who accidentally walked into the men's restroom): Please don't feel bad. It wasn't you entering the men's washroom that caused that guy to pee on the guy next to him. Hell, we do that all the time. It's rare us guys ever hit what we're aiming for. Sometimes I go into the washroom, start to pee, and then just start spinning around, just so I'll mak

The best way to end a war is to surrender.

People from Mensa are said to understand any jokes without the need of any explaination. Meaning Mensans will be able to understand this joke here, though it is limpid that there aren't any to be contemplated.

Both are attractive cost about $400 for 2 or 12 hours of fun. But right when you're satisfied you get addicted to them, And keep wasting money replacing em.