Popular Jokes
Did you hear about the woman who poured margaritas in her birdbath? Enough tequila mockingbird.
Yo mama's so fat that when she went bungee jumping, she took down the whole bridge with her.
Can you go skinny dippin' if you're fat?
Is it possible to fight on a luv seat?
If you drink tap water can you tap dance?
by:lilpapa92
A tutor who tooted the flute
Tried to teach two young tooters to toot
Said the two to the tutor
Is it harder to toot or
To tutor two tooters to toot?
When I went to lunch today, I noticed this lady about 75-80 years old sitting on a bench near the food court and she was sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.
She said: "I have a 22-year-old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground, brewed coffee."
I said: "Well, then why are you crying?"
She said: "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me half the afternoon."
I said: "Well, so why are you crying?"
She said: "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite desert and then makes love to me until 2:00am."
I sa
A fathers rules to dating;
Rule One - If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two - You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three - I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propo
A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nodded, "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."
"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
"No, from all that skipping."
Three blondes died and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question.
St. Peter asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful..."
"Wrong!" replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, "What is Easter?" The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus."
St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in disgust, tells her she's wrong, and then peers over his glasses
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.
"Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
All the little rascals sat down for class, and the teacher decided to start off the day with a spelling quiz.
The teacher first asked Darla, "Darla, can you spell dumb?"
"D-u-m-b," said Darla
The teacher then said, "Can you use it in a sentence?"
"Buckwheat is dumb."
"Okay, can you spell stupid?" said the teacher.
"S-t-u-p-i-d."
"Can you use it in a sentence?"
"Buckwheat is stupid."
"Buckwheat, can you spell dictate?"
"D-i-c-t-a-t-e."
"Can you use it in a sentence?"
"I may be dumb, and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good."
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