Rabinovich notes: "I would prefer it the other way round."

Girl eagerly asks her boyfriend "Where is my birthday gift?" The boyfriend points to a sports car across the street and says "You see that beautiful and expensive Ferrari on the other side of the road?" Girl gets excited and screams, "Yeah!" Boy, also excitedly, says, "Well, I got you the same color nail varnish!"

If Bob the Butcher is 5'11'' what does he weigh? -Meat

Trousers: Hot off the press . . . . / - - - I regret writing that. Remorse Code Does anyone here have a giant catapult? No? It was a long shot.. Saw two space hoppers outside a nightclub. I said: 'Who are you?' They said: 'We're the bouncers' I had a TV Show about trees. But it got axed. What do you get if you cross a human with a dog? Arrested. I can speak to kettles. Because I'm boilingual. Saw an artist dressed all in black. It was Vincent Van Goth. Hotel receptionists are bit inappropriate, aren't they? They all just sit there, checking people out. My girlfriend said: "Why do you always lie?" I said: "Because it's easier than standing up" I think I got a phone-call about the

Mik:Darn it! There's only 2 chips in my bowl.Damn you,chips! Mak: Aargh! you made me so angry I am gonna punch them! Mak punches the chips. Mik: WHOAH! you made 2 big chips into 20 small ones! Mak: I AM JESUS OF THE DORITOS!!

Every (Bad) Crowd Has A Silver Lining (When I was in college, I used to work in the cafeteria. On this day, two girls are making fun of a third.) Mean Girl #1: "Oooooh, a hamburger? So much for that diet." Mean Girl #2: "Are you kidding? She's never been on a diet in her life!" (The third girl who they are talking to is, for the record, very nice looking.) Girl #3: *taken aback* "I...I worked out today. I need the protein." Me: "Come on, leave her alone. She can eat whatever she wants!" Mean Girl #1: "Yeah, I guess you don't have to worry about what you eat if you're already fat and ugly!" (One of my coworkers has been listening from a distance. He walks over, looks all three girls u

TO: Boss FROM: Blondie RE: Changing Calendars from Y2K I hope that I haven't misunderstood your instructions because, to be honest, none of this Y to K problem made much sense to me. At any rate, I have finished the conversion of all of the months on all of the company calendars for next year. The calendars have returned from the printer and are ready to be distributed with the following new months: Januark Februark Mak Julk I also changed all the days of each week to: Sundak Mondak Tuesdak Wednesdak Thursdak Fridak Saturdak We are now Y to K compliant. Have a nice dak!!!

Yo momma is so dumb that when she got locked in the grocery store she starved to death!

A drunk man stumbles into the bar to the only other customer and asks if the man would buy him a drink. The second man says yes. They have a drink, and the first man decides to fill the quiet gap. He asks, "So where you from?" The second man replies, "Ireland." The first man says, "WOW! Me too. Let's drink to Ireland." They drink and the second man says, "So what part of Ireland ya from?" The first man says, "Dublin. So...what school did you go to?" The second man says, "St. Sebastians. Graduated in 1969." The first man astonished says, "ME TOO! Damn, what a coincidence." Just then a regular comes in the bar and asks the bartender what's going on. The bartender replies, "Nothin' much. The O'

"All my life I wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more specific." -Jane Wagner

A man has returned to his car after coming out of a local shopping centre and notices that his rear bumper is completely bashed in and the back half of his car is severely crushed. He goes to the front to see if there's any damage there and finds a note on the windshield. Relieved that the other motorist left a note he opens it up and reads it. It says, "Dear Sir or Madam, So very sorry about your car. But you see, I don't currently have insurance so I can't afford to pay you for the damages. But a crowd was gathering after I had smashed your car and I had to look like I was writing down my name and phone number. And since I couldn't do that, I decided to write this instead. Have a nice day.

NAMES OF ACTUAL COUPLES GETTING MARRIED: Broken-Bridge Sarry-Huney Big-Theisman Lossin-Hare Redder-Bottum CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HOW LONG THOSE COUPLES LAST!