Popular Jokes
A man walks into a dentist's and says, "Can you help me? I think I'm a moth."
The dentist says, "You need a psychiatrist, mate."
The man says, "Yes, I know."
The dentist replies, "Well, why have you come in here?"
"Your light was on!"
One day, shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to do some errands, so the proud father stayed home to watch his wonderful new son.
Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry. The father did everything he could think of, but the baby just wouldn't stop crying. Finally, the dad got so worried he decided to take the infant to the doctor.
After the doctor listened to all the father had done to get the baby to stop crying, the doctor began to examine the baby's ears, chest and then down to the diaper area. When he opened the diaper, he found was indeed full.
"Here's the problem," the doctor explained. "He just needs to be changed."
The perplexed fath
I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name and number, I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in person.
In a small town, an frightened man ran inside the local pub and shouted, "Does anyone here own a big black dog with a white collar?"
But no one answered and he said, "Oh my God,I must have run over the Vicar!"
Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter, "Want coffee."
The waiter says, "Sure, Chief, coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere, then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Want coffee." The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"
The Indian smiles
Do you know why single women can't fart?
Because they don't get assholes untill they get married.
'Twas the night before finals,
And all through the college,
The students were praying
For last-minute knowledge.
Out in the taverns,
A few were still drinking,
And hoping that liquor
Would loosen their thinking.
In my own room,
I had been pacing,
And dreading exams
I soon would be facing.
My roommate was speechless,
His nose in his book,
And my comments to him
Drew unfriendly looks.
I drained all the coffee,
And brewed a new pot,
No longer caring
That my nerves were shot.
I stared at my notes,
But my thoughts were all muddy;
My eyes went ablur,
And I just couldn't study.
"Some pizza might help,"
I said with a shiver,
But each place I called
Refused to deliver.
I'd nearly concluded
That life
1. CADDY -- 2 women talking about a 3rd who isn't there to defend herself.
2. CHIPPING -- Time to get our nails done again.
3. DOUBLE BOGIE -- "Casablanca" followed by "African Queen."
4. FAIRWAY -- Splitting the bill when the girls go to lunch.
5. GOOD LIE -- Weight on our driver's license.
6. GREENS -- Lunch we eat when we'd really love a cheeseburger.
7. HOLE-IN-ONE -- Time to get new pantyhose.
8. IRON -- What guys need to learn to do their own shirts.
9. ROUGH -- Getting a guy to understand, well, pretty much anything.
10. SHAFT -- You watch the kids while he gets to go golfing.
11. SLICE -- "No thanks. . .just a sliver."
12. TEES -- Putting on that Victoria Secret Negligee.
13. WATER H
How Men Are Like Dogs
* Both take up too much space on the bed
* Both have irrational fears about vacuuming
* Neither tells you what's bothering him
* Neither of them notices when you get your hair cut
* Neither understands what you see in cats
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