Q: What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence. Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain? A: After a dye job. Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes? A: They're doing research on black holes.

A male teen walks up to his uncle. "Where's Aunt Rhodie?" said the teen. "In the living room," said his uncle. The teen walks to the door. "I wouldnt go in there if I were you," said the uncle, "they're talking about female things." The male teen walks in anyway - (a moment in the hall passes) - the teen comes out all grossed out. "What's wrong?" said the uncle. "I thought you meant SHOES!" said the teen.

'Twas the night before finals, And all through the college, The students were praying For last-minute knowledge. Out in the taverns, A few were still drinking, And hoping that liquor Would loosen their thinking. In my own room, I had been pacing, And dreading exams I soon would be facing. My roommate was speechless, His nose in his book, And my comments to him Drew unfriendly looks. I drained all the coffee, And brewed a new pot, No longer caring That my nerves were shot. I stared at my notes, But my thoughts were all muddy; My eyes went ablur, And I just couldn't study. "Some pizza might help," I said with a shiver, But each place I called Refused to deliver. I'd nearly concluded That life

After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, the interviewer described the person to his boss as rather monosyllabic. The boss said, "Really? Where is Monosyllabia?" Thinking that his boss was just kidding, he played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia. He replied, "Oh, you mean over by Croatia?"

A well-endowed university student was always being teased by her sorority sisters for being a size 36DD. One night, at a fraternity party, a young man asked her what she would like to drink. "I'll have a diet soda, please," she replied. "Oh, you must be the double D," he said. Furious, the girl wondered which one of her so-called friends had divulged such personal information. "And just what do you mean by that?" she snapped. Confused by her angry response, the man stammered, "You know, the designated driver."

A man was sitting in a bar and noticed a group of people using sign language. He also noticed that the bartender was using sign language to speak to them. When the bartender returned to him, the man asked how he had learned to use sign language. The bartender explained that these were regular customers and had taught him to speak in sign. The man thought that was great. A few minutes later the man noticed that the people in the group were waving their hands around very wildly. The bartender looked over and signed, "Now cut that out! I warned you!" and threw the group out of the bar. The man asked why he had done that and the bartender said, "If I've told them once I've told them 100 times

"You know 'that look' women get when they want sex? Me neither." ~ Steve Martin "Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." ~ Woody Allen "Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night." ~ Rodney Dangerfield "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." ~ Billy Crystal "I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy." ~ Tom Clancy "Ah yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." ~ Robin Williams "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a

It was late in the evening and I was studying in the university library's reading room. It was in the middle of final exams, so the library was a hectic place with students milling around everywhere. I was sitting at my desk with my pile of books and felt the need for a nap before I continued with my work. I wasn't asleep long before I was awakened by laughter. To my surprise, everyone who was laughing was also looking at me. I looked around the room, silently pleading for answers, when someone next to me leaned over and whispered, "You were farting in your sleep."

In a joint press conference in St. Peter's Square this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of MICROSOFT common stock. If the deal goes through, it will be the first time a computer software company has acquired a major world religion. With the acquisition, Pope John Paul II will become the senior vice-president of the combined company's new Religious Software Division, while MICROSOFT senior vice-presidents Michael Maples and Steven Ballmer will be invested in the College of Cardinals, said MICROSOFT Chairman Bill Gates. "We expect a lot of growth in the reli

One day Jack's dad bought a robot. The robot was special in that it could detect a lie and would slap the person who lied on the face. Jack returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, "Son, why are you late from school?" Jack answered, "Dad, we had extra classes today." Much to his astonishment the robot jumped up and slapped Jack on his face. His dad told him that the robot was special in that it could detect a lie, and would then slap the person who lied. "Now, come on, tell me the truth. Why are you late?" "Dad, I went to see a movie." "Which movie?" "The Ten Commandments." Splat, Jack got a tight slap on the face from the robot. "No, Dad, honest I went to see the

Yo momma's breath smells so bad, her teeth duck when she yawns!

Early in the morning, Honecker arrives at his office and opens his window. He sees the sun and says: "Good morning, dear Sun!" The sun replies: "Good morning, dear Erich!" Honecker works, and then at noon he heads to the window and says: "Good day, dear Sun!" The sun replies: "Good day, dear Erich!" In the evening, Erich calls it a day, and heads once more to the window, and says: "Good evening, dear Sun!" The sun is silent. Honecker says again: "Good evening, dear Sun! What's the matter?" The sun replies: "Kiss my ass. I'm in the West now."