Popular Jokes
A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm. As the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence, a young woman turned to a minister sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asked,
"Reverend, you're a man of God, can't you do something about this storm?"
To which he replied, "Lady, I'm in sales, not management."
Billy Bob wanted a job as a signalman on the railways. He was told to meet the inspector at the signal box.
The inspector asked, "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading for each other on the same track?"
Billy Bob replied, "I would switch the points for one of the trains."
"What if the lever broke?" asked the inspector.
"Then I'd dash down out of the signal box," said Billy Bob, "and I'd use the manual lever over there."
"What if that had been struck by lightning?"
"Then," Billy Bob continued, "I'd run back into the signal box and phone the next signal box."
"What if the phone was busy?"
"Well in that case," persevered Billy Bob, "I'd rush down out of the box
An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it is always possible to get worse.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
Alarms: What an octopus is.
The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life where you get to experience all three at the same time.
(Author unknown, but someone who's been there)
Lorena Bobbitt's sister Louella was arrested yesterday for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago. Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena.
She allegedly missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper thigh causing severe muscle and tendon damage. The husband is reported to be in serious, but stable condition and Louella has been charged with a....
Misdewiener
Yo mama is like a hockey player. She doesn't change her pad for three periods.
A teacher asked his student:
Give me an example of 6 animals.
The student:
3 Lions, 2 Tigers , and 1 Cheetah !
Q. Have you heard of the dyslexic cow who attained enlightenment?
A. It kept on repeating OOOOMMM!
"Uh huh," "sure, honey," or "yes, dear"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"It would take too long to explain"
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."
"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."
Translated: "That girl standing on the corner is a real babe."
"Take a break honey, you're working too hard."
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"That's interesting, dear."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"
"I can't find it."
Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"What did I do this time?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"
"You look terrific."
Translated: "Oh, p
1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed.
4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
5. I will not eat the cat's food, before they eat it or after they throw it up.
6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.
7. I will not throw up in the car.
8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like the way they smell.
9. "Kitty box crunchies" , although they are tasty, are not food.
10 I will not eat any
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