Once there was a girl named Maria having her 13th birthday. She had three of her closest friends over. Their names were Jessica, Sarah and Amy. Amy told Maria that she heard weird sounds coming from the closet and she thought there was a ghost in it, but Maria didn't believe her. Next, Sarah told Maria the same, but Maria still didn't believe them. Then Jessica told Maria the same thing too. This time, Maria said "Chill guys! I'll even go to closet and prove that it is safe!" Maria did as she had said and her three friends followed her. Maria turned out to be wrong. There was a strange noise coming from the closet. She listened closely and heard a mysterious voice saying "I've gotcha where

Women Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild, and naturally beautiful with bushland around the fertile deltas. Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries with cash or cars. Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India or Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France or Argentina. She may have been half destroyed during the war but can still be a warm and desirable place to visit. Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq. She lost the war and i

One night a man and his wife were lying in bed and she was complaining that his penis was small and asked why he didn't do something about it. The next night thay were in bed and she reached between his legs and gasped, "How did it get so big?" Husband said, "Simple, I went to the hospital and had an operation." The wife replied, "What kind of operation?" The husband said, "I had an addadicktome!"

You might be a redneck if your limo at your wedding was a tractor and trailer.

Why wasn't the giraffe invited to the party? He was a pain in the neck to talk to.

How can you tell if a mathematician is an extrovert? He looks at *your* shoes when he talks to you.

(to be read aloud) 'Twas in a restaurant they met Romeo and Juliet But Romeo couldn't pay the bill So Romee-owed what Julie ate ("ett").

Never buy a toothbrush at a yard sale. Never buy a parachute that was used once and never opened before. Never sell computers for free at your garage sale. Trust me, there are many more ways to demolish your house. Never put bathroom humor up on the internet. Never watch American Idol auditions with Coke in your mouth. Never watch American Idol auditions without a couple of aspirins. And never, ever catch your grandparents taking a shower. All of these words of advice were found out by first-hand experience.If you want to meet the guy brave enough to try all of these "stunts" out, go to the Almont Graveyard in Stamfort, Michigan and visit the grave entitled:"Dave 'Daredevil' Deatson".

A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician were sitting in a street café watching the crowd. Across the street, they saw a man and a woman entering a building. Ten minutes later, they reappeared, with a third person. "They have multiplied," said the biologist. "Oh no, it's an error in measurement," the physicist replied. "If exactly one person enters the building now, it will be empty again," was the mathematician's conclusion.

Recently, Germans conducted some scientific exploration involving their best men. Core drilling samples were taken to a depth of 50 metres, and during these examinations, small pieces of copper were discovered. After running many arduous tests on these samples, the German government announced that 25,000 years ago, ancient Germans had a nationwide telephone network. The British government was unimpressed, and conducted their own survey. From samples drilled to a depth of 100 meters, they found small pieces of glass, and announced that 35,000 years ago, the ancient Britons had a nationwide optical-fibre network. The Irish government felt they had to conduct their own survey, their scientists

Patient: "My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?" Doctor: "A shoebox!"

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence. Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain? A: After a dye job. Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes? A: They're doing research on black holes.