About four or five years ago I was standing in a ticket line at LAX, and a fellow in a line parallel to mine had a golf bag slung over his shoulder. Since the line was long and airline ticketing is a slow process at best, we struck up a conversation. He brightened when I admired his golf bag, and he proudly stated that he was on the PGA Tour. Then he turned to me and asked the question all golfers ask: "Do you play?" I shook my head, "I used to, but I quit because I wasn't very good. I shot consistently in the low seventies." There was a long, low in-take of breath, then "The low seventies?" "Yes," I admitted. "Consistently?" he queried admiringly. "Every hole," I confessed.

Why did the white girl go have sex with a Mexican? Because her teacher told her to do an ESE.

"Doctor! I have a serious pronblem, I can never remember what I just said." "When did you first notice this problem?" "What problem?"

You are a redneck if: You've ever bought steel-toed boots, only to remove the steel to patch a hole in your trailer.

You are a redneck if: you've ever had a family feud over a litter of coondogs.

How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Zero: For all blondes know, the lightbulb is still burning bright.

What is a robot's favorite food? Nuts and bolts!

Knock-knock GO AWAY!!! WE DON'T WANT ANY!!!

You might be a redneck if your toenail clippers say craftsman on the side!

You might be a redneck if you've never stayed in a hotel without stealing something

Once there was a girl named Maria having her 13th birthday. She had three of her closest friends over. Their names were Jessica, Sarah and Amy. Amy told Maria that she heard weird sounds coming from the closet and she thought there was a ghost in it, but Maria didn't believe her. Next, Sarah told Maria the same, but Maria still didn't believe them. Then Jessica told Maria the same thing too. This time, Maria said "Chill guys! I'll even go to closet and prove that it is safe!" Maria did as she had said and her three friends followed her. Maria turned out to be wrong. There was a strange noise coming from the closet. She listened closely and heard a mysterious voice saying "I've gotcha where

Women Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild, and naturally beautiful with bushland around the fertile deltas. Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries with cash or cars. Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India or Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France or Argentina. She may have been half destroyed during the war but can still be a warm and desirable place to visit. Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq. She lost the war and i