HIS and HERS Road Trip HERS: 1. Pulls off at wrong exit. 2. Opens window 3. Asks directions of a knowledgeable police officer 4. Arrives at destination presently. HIS: 1. Pulls off at wrong exit absolutely positive it's the correct one. 2. Drives five miles into wilderness, still thinks he's right. 3. Drives an extra 5 miles just in case. 4. Finally rolls down window 5. Hocks a loogie 6. Pulls up to a 7 -11 7. Gets three hot-dogs, a large slurpee, and beef jerky 8. Asks person behind counter how to get back onto the highway. 9. Gets back into car. 10. Farts 11. After he closes the door. 12. Laughs at the idea of looking at a map as he pulls away from the 7-11. 13. Driv

The weather was very hot, so this man wanted desperately take a dive in the nearby lake. He didn't bring his swimming outfit, but who cared? He was all alone. So he undressed and got into the water. After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket, which laid on the sandy beach. He held the bucket in front of his private parts and sighed with relief. The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to move. Then one of the ladies said, "You know, I have a special gift, I can read minds." "Impossible," said the embarrassed man, "You really know what I thin

A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began, "I can explain." "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back." "But, officer, I just wanted to say," "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!" A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding... He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

If a man becomes president, his wife is the first lady. If a woman became president, what would you call her husband? Whipped.

Let's get off moms, 'cause I just got off yours. Let's get off moms, 'cause she can't handle those five men on her now. I ain't got nuthin' bad to say 'bout Yo mama, 'cause her face says it all! I'm sorry, I shouldn't talk about Yo mama, 'cause I don't even know the man. Hey keep my mom out of this and I'll keep this out of Yo mama! If I wanted any lip from you I'd jiggle my zipper. If I wanted a comeback, I'd just wipe it off Yo mama's chin. Hey, if I wanted a comeback, I'd wipe off your chin. Nice comeback muthafucka, you can scrape that off Yo chin and use it again! Hey I don't have a mom, me and my dad just use yours! Hey, I got nothing to say about Yo Mama 'cause she's

A Mexican, an Asian, an African, and an American all somehow come across a genie at the same time. They rub the lamp and the genie pops out and agrees to grant them all one wish each. The genie turns to the Mexican and asks what he wished for. "I wish that myself and all of my people could return to Mexico and live without poverty and wars." With that, the Mexican disappeared. The genie then turns to the Asian and asks what he wished for. "I wish that myself and all my people could go return to our countries in Asia and live in peace and happiness." And the Asian disappears. The genie next asked the African what he would like. "I wish that myself and all of my African Brothers and

Q: What's the difference between Snowmen and Snowwomen? A: Snowballs

'The Romance of Leprosy', E Mackerchar 1949 'Why bring that up? a guide to seasickness', J F Montague 1936 'Penetrating Wagner's Ring', John L Di Gaetanao 1978 'Constipation & our Civilization', J C Thomson 1943 'A pictorial book of tongue coating', Anon 1981 'A Government committee of Enquiry on the Light metal artificial Leg', Captain Henery Hulme & Chisholm Baird 1923 'Daddy was an undertaker', McDill, McGown & Gassman 1952 'Amputation Stumps: Their care & after-treatment', Sir Godfrey Martin Huggins 1918 'A Study of Masturbation & its reputed Sequelae', J F W Meagher 1924 'Sex after Death', B J Ferrell & D E Frey 1983

There was this guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine who was very pretty and he liked her a lot. One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started. Her name was Clearly and she was absolutely gorgeous. He became quite besotted with her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too. But this guy was a loyal man and he wouldn't get involved with Clearly while he was still going out with Lorraine. He decided that there was nothing for it but to break up with her and get it on with the new girl. He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn't bring himself to do it. One day they went for a walk along the river bank when Lorraine slipped a

A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked in her ears with an otoscope, he asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here?" The little girl stayed silent. Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, "Do you think I'll find the Cookie Monster down there?" Again, the little girl was silent. Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her heart beat, he asked, "Do you think I'll hear Barney in there?" "Oh, no!" the little girl replied. "Jesus is in my heart. Barney's on my underpants."

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!" After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right!) The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. "Where did you get this money?" The old lady replied, "I make bets." The p

A son walks into the living room and asks his dad to borrow the car because he has a hot date. The dad says, ''Sure, as soon as you cut your long hair.'' The boy smiles and thinking he has outsmarted his dad replies, ''Dad, Jesus had long hair...'' And the dad replied, ''Yeah, and Jesus walked everywhere he went too, didn''t he?''