A father knelt with his son to hear his prayers. The three-year-old boy began in all seriousness: "Our Father who Art in Heaven, how do You know my name?"

Q. Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry? A. They're afraid of flying off the handle!

Two best friends were staying at a hotel.Their room was on the tenth floor. One day, because the lift was under repair, they started climbing the stairs. On reaching the first floor, one friend remembered something and said - First Friend : Hey listen! I want to tell you something. Second Friend : Go on, speak. First friend : No, no, you may get angry. I'll tell you later. This conversation happened whenever they reached a floor. Finally,when they reached in front of their room - First Friend : Hey listen! I want to tell you something. Second Friend (irritated) : Please speak then. First Friend : Friend,we forgot to collect the keys from the desk.

Two neighbors had been fighting each other for nigh on four decades. Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. For one whole year Bill ignores the dog. So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. After about a year and a half of Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard; being ignored all the while, a semi pulls up in front of Bill's house. Bob runs over and demands to know what's in the 18-wheeler. 'My new pet elephant,' Bill replies solemnly.

Get the last word in: Apologize.

The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena, who had charged non-support. He said to Ole, "I have decided to give your wife $400 a month for support." "Vell, dat's fine, Judge," said Ole. "And vunce in a while I'll try to chip in a few bucks, myself."

Not only am I redundant and superfluous, but I also tend to use more words than necessary.

Just in case you've had a rough day at work, here's a technique recommended in all the latest psychological texts. 1. Picture yourself near a stream. 2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air. 3. No one but you knows your secret place. 4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called "the world." 5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. 6. The water is crystal clear. 7. You can easily make out the face of the person you're holding underwater...your boss...

Former Vice President Dan Quayle says that if you take out the profanity, the TV show "The Osbounes" is about good family values. You take out the profanity, and "The Osbournes" is about 30 seconds long.

Yo mama so dumb that she thought Taco Bell was a Mexican phone company.

Three boys are walking along the beach one day when they see a cave. The first boy goes in and is just looking at a banknote on a big rock when a ghostly voice calls out, "I am the ghost of Auntie Mabel and this five dollars stays on the table!" The second boy goes in and is reaching for the money when the same thing happens again. The third boy goes in, sees the five dollars and cries out, "I am the ghost of David Crockett and this five dollars goes in my pocket!"

A dad to his son: If someone calls for me, tell him that I'm out. The son: And if he doesn't call?