Yo Momma's so poor, I blew my nose, and she said, "Lord thank us, we have food!"

Why are the blonde's boobs square? She forgot to take the tissues out of the box!

Q: Why do women fart less than men? A: Because they won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.

I make money the old-fashioned way. My salary is the same as it was ten years ago.

I didn't mean to agitate the police officer. Water balloons are good fun, but he had to get all mad. Then he grabbed that metal baton thingy. That's a lot less fun than a water balloon. I even said "think fast!" He didn't say that to me when he used the baton on my face.

How do you confuse a blonde? Put her in a circular room and tell her there is a vibrator in the corner. How does a blonde confuse you? When she comes out and says she found it.

Why did the blonde take a right into the ditch? Her blinker was on.

If a man becomes president, his wife is the first lady. If a woman became president, what would you call her husband? Whipped.

All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades. One knight told his best friend - "My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world. It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am leaving you the key to her chastity belt to use should I not return from the Crusade." The company of knights were only a mile or so out of town when they noticed a cloud of dust approaching. Thinking it might be an important message from the town the column halted. A horseman approached. It was the knight's best friend. He yells - "Hey, you gave me the wrong key!!"

Bill walked into his favorite dive bar, took his regular stool, looked around, and asked Louie, the bartender, "Where's Beverly, the waitress?" "She's dead," replied the bartender. "Dead?" asked Bill. "She died from herpes," said the bartender. Bill replied, "You don't die from herpes." "You do if you give it to Big Louie!" said the bartender.

You see a fabulous girl/guy at a party. You approach them and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a fabulous girl/guy. You have one of your friends approach them, point at you and say, "She's/he's fantastic in bed." That's Advertising. You see a fabulous girl/guy at a party. You approach them to get their telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Telemarketing. You're at a party and see a fabulous girl/guy. You get up, straighten your clothes, walk up and pour them a drink. You open the door, pick up their bag after it drops, offer them a ride, and then say, "By the way,

Three little boys were looking for a summer job. Their preacher needed some people to go around and sell bibles. So the preacher hired two boys without even thinking twice. But he was hesitant about hiring the third boy because he suffered from a speech impediment. So after the first days of work they all met back at the church. The preacher looked at the first boy and asked him, "How many bibles did you sell?" The boy stood up and said, "35." "Is that all you sold?" the preacher asked. "He looked at the second boy and asked him the same thing. The boy said, "75." "That is good," the preacher replied. He didn't want to ask the third boy but did. The boy with the speech impediment sa