Popular Jokes
There are 99 Blonds on a plane and 1 Brunette. The captain radios in that they are going down, So they drop all the luggage. They were still going down so they drop out all the chairs. They were still going down so they dropped the floor. So they are hanging by their hands from the top on the plane with no floor. So the captain say's "1 person jump out" the Brunette say's "I'll sacrifice my life", and all the Blonds start clapping.
I make money the old-fashioned way. My salary is the same as it was ten years ago.
NAMES OF ACTUAL COUPLES GETTING MARRIED:
Broken-Bridge
Sarry-Huney
Big-Theisman
Lossin-Hare
Redder-Bottum
CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HOW LONG THOSE COUPLES LAST!
'The Romance of Leprosy', E Mackerchar 1949
'Why bring that up? a guide to seasickness', J F Montague 1936
'Penetrating Wagner's Ring', John L Di Gaetanao 1978
'Constipation & our Civilization', J C Thomson 1943
'A pictorial book of tongue coating', Anon 1981
'A Government committee of Enquiry on the Light metal artificial Leg', Captain Henery Hulme & Chisholm Baird 1923
'Daddy was an undertaker', McDill, McGown & Gassman 1952
'Amputation Stumps: Their care & after-treatment', Sir Godfrey Martin Huggins 1918
'A Study of Masturbation & its reputed Sequelae', J F W Meagher 1924
'Sex after Death', B J Ferrell & D E Frey 1983
A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked in her ears with an otoscope, he asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here?"
The little girl stayed silent.
Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, "Do you think I'll find the Cookie Monster down there?"
Again, the little girl was silent.
Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her heart beat, he asked, "Do you think I'll hear Barney in there?"
"Oh, no!" the little girl replied. "Jesus is in my heart. Barney's on my underpants."
A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right!)
The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. "Where did you get this money?"
The old lady replied, "I make bets." The p
It was recess and the pre-schoolers came in. The teacher asked Susie what she did today. ''Well, I played in the sandbox,'' she said. The teacher said, ''If you can spell sand, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie.'' So Susie did.
Then Billy came in and the teacher asked what he did. ''I played in the sandbox with Susie,'' he said. ''If you can spell sand, I'll give you a cookie,'' the teacher said. So Billy did.
Then the little Russian boy said, ''Well, I wanted to play in the sandbox, but Billy and Susie were throwing rocks at me.''
The teacher said, ''Well, that sounds like discrimination. If you can spell that, I'll give you a cookie.''
A guy's on the electric chair. The warden's just about to pull the switch, when the guy gets the hiccups. The warden says, "Do you have any last requests?" The guy says, "(hic) Yeah... (hic) could you please do (hic) could you please do something to scare me?"
A man was driving down an Alaskan road and his car broke down. He phoned the Alaskan Mobile Fixit Service and they arrived shortly after. He service man opened the bonnet and after a while the repair man said " It looks like you've blown a seal ", the man replies "No, it's just frost on my moustache."
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