Virgin Mobile wanted to sponsor the national team. SAFA (South African Footballing Association) refused to let it happen. They said, "How will it look if the team has Virgin written on their shirts when they get f****d up every other weekend?"

Rosy, posing thoughtfully in the mirror, says to Nina, "I think I'm going to see a dietitian." Nina asks, "Why?" Rosy answers, "'Cause I need to know once and for all how many calories there are in semen." Nina replies, "I really have no clue, but if you're swallowing that much of it, no guy is going to care if you're a little chunky."

Im not on my period... I just dont like you :P

You can pick your friends, You can pick your nose; But you cant pick your friends nose.... What true words....!

Twinkle, twinkle little star how I wonder what you are Shine upon a parking lot As I eat my girlfriends twat. Peter, Peter pumpkin eater Saw a chick but couldn't meet her Saw her brother one fine day Sucked his cock and now he's GAY. Jack Sprat could eat no fat His wife could eat no lean So he ignored her flabby tits An licked her asshole clean. Eenie Meanie Miney Mo Suck my dick and swallow slow. Mary Mary quite contrary Shave that pussy its so damn hairy. Hickory Dickory Dock Some chick was sucking my cock The clock struck two I blew my goo And dumped the bitch off at the next block. Hickory Dickory Dock Some chick was sucking my cock It was quite scary all wrinkled and hairy.

Little Tommy was telling his friend Billy all about his Christmas presents. "My daddy bought me a mouth organ. It's the best present I've ever had." "Why?" "Because my mummy gives me extra money every week if I don't play it."

Once, a man walked into a bar. He went up to the counter and ordered his drink. The guy next to him had a bowl of chili that he didnt seem to be eating. "Sir, could I bother you for some chili?" he asked very politely. "Go right ahead" he responded, passing the chili. About half way through, he saw there was a rat at the bottom of the chili. In repsonse to this he puked the chili back up. At this time the man next to him stared. "Funny thats farther than I got," he said.

Bellevue, WA There's a story circulating through the Bellevue School District about the woman who called wanting information on home schooling. Both Lake Washington (Renton, WA) and Bellevue districts are noted for their support of home schoolers, and the Bellevue spokesperson was explaining procedures and what to do to the mother on the telephone. Among other things, the mother needed to file a declaration of intent, a kind of home school registration. The spokeswoman offered to send out the proper form. The mother gave a Renton address. The spokeswoman suggested registering the children in her home district in Renton, the Lake Washington School District. "No way," said the mother. "E

How can you tell when a blonde is having a bad day? She has her tampon behind her ear and she cant find her pencil!

A new doctor had arrived in town. He could cure anything and anybody. Everyone was amazed with what he could do - everyone except for Mr. Thompson, the town skeptic. Grumpy old Mr. Thompson went to visit this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special. When it was time for his appointment he told the doctor, "Hey, doc, I've lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin' to do?" The doctor scratched his head and mumbled to himself a little, then told Mr. Thompson, "What you need is jar number 47." So the doctor brought the jar out, opened it, and told Mr. Thompson to taste it. He tasted it and immediately spit it out, "This is gross!" he yelled. "Looks

A preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule (jackass to the knowing) in the church yard. He called the police. Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the preacher to the health department. They said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation department. The sanitation manager said he could not pick up the mule without authorization from the mayor. Now, the preacher knew the mayor, and was not to eager to call him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to deal with, but the preacher called him anyway. The mayor did not disappoint. He immediately began to rant and rave at the pastor and f

How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, it turned itself in.