There are 99 Blonds on a plane and 1 Brunette. The captain radios in that they are going down, So they drop all the luggage. They were still going down so they drop out all the chairs. They were still going down so they dropped the floor. So they are hanging by their hands from the top on the plane with no floor. So the captain say's "1 person jump out" the Brunette say's "I'll sacrifice my life", and all the Blonds start clapping.

Yo Momma's so fat, when she jumps in the ocean, people head for higher ground.

A blonde is like a turtle. If either one is on their back, they are screwed!

Two blondes rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish. One blonde said to her friend, "Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow." The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same blonde asked her friend, "Did you mark that spot?" Her friend replied, "Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of the boat." The first one said, "You stupid fool! What if we don't get that same boat today!?!?"

SHAPING UP FOR A GOOD EXCUSE A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyser tube." The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack." "Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample." "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death." "Well, then, we need a urine sample." "I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar." "All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this

What's the difference between yo mamma and a water buffalo? About 20 pounds! How do you even out the difference? Either force feed the buffalo or shave your mom.

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a l lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single." The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was equally intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selecti

Bill walked into his favorite dive bar, took his regular stool, looked around, and asked Louie, the bartender, "Where's Beverly, the waitress?" "She's dead," replied the bartender. "Dead?" asked Bill. "She died from herpes," said the bartender. Bill replied, "You don't die from herpes." "You do if you give it to Big Louie!" said the bartender.

A guy dials his home phone from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says, "Who is this?" "This is the maid.", answered the woman. "We don't have a maid!" "I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house." "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?" "Ummm .... she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband." The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?" "What do I have to do?" "I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she is with." The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by two gunshots. The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do wit

'The Romance of Leprosy', E Mackerchar 1949 'Why bring that up? a guide to seasickness', J F Montague 1936 'Penetrating Wagner's Ring', John L Di Gaetanao 1978 'Constipation & our Civilization', J C Thomson 1943 'A pictorial book of tongue coating', Anon 1981 'A Government committee of Enquiry on the Light metal artificial Leg', Captain Henery Hulme & Chisholm Baird 1923 'Daddy was an undertaker', McDill, McGown & Gassman 1952 'Amputation Stumps: Their care & after-treatment', Sir Godfrey Martin Huggins 1918 'A Study of Masturbation & its reputed Sequelae', J F W Meagher 1924 'Sex after Death', B J Ferrell & D E Frey 1983

Vacation begins when dad says. "I know a shortcut"!

all generalizations are false