too much to pay for corn ([a] buck an ear)

Early in the morning, Honecker arrives at his office and opens his window. He sees the sun and says: "Good morning, dear Sun!" The sun replies: "Good morning, dear Erich!" Honecker works, and then at noon he heads to the window and says: "Good day, dear Sun!" The sun replies: "Good day, dear Erich!" In the evening, Erich calls it a day, and heads once more to the window, and says: "Good evening, dear Sun!" The sun is silent. Honecker says again: "Good evening, dear Sun! What's the matter?" The sun replies: "Kiss my ass. I'm in the West now."

"Sarah, how's that boy of yours?" "David? Ach, don't ask - he's living in Miami with a man named Miguel" "That's terrible!" "I know - why couldn't he find a nice Jewish boy?"

"Big foot is blurry... that's the problem!"

(A father is letting five kids make a complete mess of the restaurant. They're ripping napkins and using it as confetti, breaking chopsticks and screaming their little heads off.) Me: "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to tell them to stop doing that. They are disturbing the other customers." Father: *beaming* "No." Me: "No, as in, no you won't tell them to stop it?" Father: *still beaming*"Yes." (I have to get back to work at this point and sure enough, the kids keep misbehaving. Several customers complain to me but I have no authority to throw them out. The last to complain is a table with about eight young guys.) Customer 1: "So there's nothing you can do about them?" Me: "I'm so v

Your Mom is so fat, she's the only one at the beach that gets a tan.

An actual headline: Deer Kill 17,000

1. Your dog rather rub up against the wall than have you pet it. 2. All the numbers in your little black book start with "1-900." 3. Due to excessive hazing and ridicule, you decided to drop out of the Origami Club. 4. You were almost involved in a threesome, but your left hand fell asleep. 5. Fantasizing out loud before falling asleep is your idea of "pillow talk." 6. Your personal ad reads: "Seeking Anybody." 7. Next to your name in the phone directory, the phone number is replaced with the phrase "Who cares?" 8. You look forward to the dinner time calls from telemarketers. 9. The last time you were invited to a party, you were grooving to the lyric, "Put your right foot in, take you

What do you call a smart blond? An Endangered species

How do you get a blonde to laugh on Friday? Tell her a joke on Monday!

Why does Santa have such big balls? Because he only comes once a year!

How do you keep a blonde busy on a rainy day? Tell her to touch the rainbow.