What does the male centipede say to the other male centipede when a female centipede walks by? That's a nice pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs.....

Yo momma'a so stupid she stopped at a stop sign and waited untill it changed to 'Go!'

An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes. "Well, now," says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really rich." *** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold. "And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess." *** POOF *** She turns into a beautiful young woman. "Your third wish?" asks the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them. "Ooh - can you change him into a handsome prince?" she asks. *** POOF *** There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyo

You're about as useful as a bargain hunter in Sears!

Once there was a blond, a red head, and a brunette. They had to tell a joke in order not to go to hell. So the red head goes first: "What do you call a boy going to jail? A Micheal Jackson lover." (not that funny) So she goes to hell. Then the burnette says: "What's the difference between your mama and the blond's mama? The blond's has a bigger chance on giving it up and yours doesn't need any." (not that funny either) So, she goes to hell as well. Finally, the blond says: "Knock-knock! Who's there? God God who? Godzilla!" (not that funny) But, the blond gets in! Why? Because, she used God and didn't notice it.

What are you laughing at? Your mom is a hooker!

How many feet does a black rooster have? How many wings does a black rooster have? How many heads does a black rooster have? How many hairs are on the back of a white cat? Why is it that you know more about a black cock rather than a white pussy?

Yo momma's credit is so bad,,, The bank wants the their calendar back

Short naps prevent aging, especially if taken while driving.

When you marry, your spouse's family become "in-laws." So, when you divorce, does that make them "outlaws?"

A juggler who was driving to his next performance was stopped by the police. "What are those knives doing in your car?" asked the officer. "I juggle them in my act." "Oh yeah?" says the cop. "Let's see you do it." So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives. A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now!"

Knock Knock Who's there? Doris Doris who? Door is shut thats why i knocked!