The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone rang. He answered it and listened intently. After a brief moment, his face lit up with a smile. He hung up the phone and immediately called his mother to pass along the good news. "Ma, the results are in," he shouted joyously. "I won the election!" "Honestly?" his mother replied. "Aw, gee, Ma, what a time to bring that up!" he said.

Q: What is the difference between a dog and a fox? A: About five drinks.

Clones are people two.

Seems Paris Hilton is having visits from a speech therapist - she's having trouble finishing a sentence!

"Cleanliness is next to Godliness" Why do they say that? I looked it up in the dictionary, "goggles" is next to "godliness"; cleanliness is next to claustrophobia.

A guy was having trouble with his cat. His cat would always scratch the sofa but never the scratching post. One day the guy got an idea; he bought a new couch and replaced the scratching post with the old couch hoping this would solve his problem, but his cat just began scratching the new sofa. Then another idea hit him - he got some clay and got to work. Scratching post - $57 New sofa - $299 Clay - $9 Understanding your cat likes to scratch your face more than he likes to scratch the couch - priceless.

Can You Decipher This Phrase? cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat Catch 22! (22 cats).

Saint Peter asked the new arrival, "And what bad things did you do while you were on Earth?" The man thought a moment. "Well, I smoked marijuana, but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't inhale, and I had some extra-marital sex, but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't technically have "sexual relations". I lied some, but you shouldn't hold that against me because I never committed perjury." Saint Peter looked concerned. "Okay, here's the deal," said Saint Peter. "We'll send you someplace very hot, but we won't call it 'Hell'. You'll be there for an indefinite time, but we won't call it 'eternity,' and you don't need to 'abandon all hope' upon entering, but don

There was a really dramatic woman and a small man. The small man worked at a ballroom. The woman got dressed up all fancy and went to the ballroom. She went up to the man and said, "I hope there is something between us! And the little man said, "Me too! A continent!"

Knock-knock? Who's there? Little Boy Blue! Little Boy Blue Who? Michael Jackson! If you don't get it, read the title. If you still don't get it, pm me. If you STILL DON'T GET IT, you're an asshole

"The fact that the GDR considers itself as one of the 5 technologically most advanced power of the nations may be be given to the fact that there are only 5 fingers on a hand. " University lecture in Hungary in the 70s

Q. How many Iranians does it take to change a light bulb? A. You send us the prize money and we'll tell you the answer.