Popular Jokes
A local business was looking for office help and put up a sign saying: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."
A short time afterwards, a golden retriever dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.
The manager said, "I can
One day a little boy was at kindergarten. The teacher told the class their homework was to find the first five letters of the alphabet.
When the little boy got home he went to his older brother who was playing video games. "Big brother whats the first letter of the alphabet?". His big brother then said to the little boy "Shut up retard i`m sick of listening to you!".
Then the little boy went on to his second brother who was watching batman. " Big brother what`s the second letter of the alphabet?". The older brother who obviously wasn`t paying attention said " Na na na na na na na Batman!".
The little boy went on to his dad who was watching football and said "Dad whats the t
"What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?"
"I don't know; and I couldn't care less."
A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, "You can't take it with you."
After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillow cases. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. His plan: When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven.
Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer's wife, up in the attic cleaning, came upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuf
A city slicker decided to buy himself a pig, so he drove to the country until he saw a sign that said "PIGS FOR SALE".
Turning into the driveway, he spotted the farmer, told him what he wanted, and they agreed on a price. They went to the barn where the farmer picked up a pig by the tail with his teeth. "Yup, that there swine weighs 74 pounds."
Noticing the man's bewilderment, the farmer explained that it was a family trait, passed on through generations, to be able to precisely weigh pigs in that manner. The city slicker, however, insisted on a second opinion. So the farmer called his son over and the boy came up with the same result. The man was ready to buy the pig on the spot, but t
A man walks into a doctor's office. He says, "Doctor, doctor, you've got to help me! My elbow keeps coming untied. . . my belly button is out of order. . . I can't open my chest. . . I'm losing the leaves in my palm. . . somebody threw my waist in the trash. . . and my foot is only eleven inches!"
Bill Gates died in a car accident. He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God. ...
"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. I'm going to do something I've never done before. In your case, I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!"
Bill replied: "Well, thanks, God. What's the difference between the two?"
God said: "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision."
"Fine, but where should I go first?" asked Bill.
God said: "I'm going
What does the "O" and the "N" stand for in 'CLEMSON'?
The "O" is for honor, and the "N" for knowledge.
If you can run and play any sport while wearing chanclas....
MEXICAN...
If your late Tio left you a van and you turned it into a taco vending business,
Yes, you're a Mexican.
If you pronounce words beginning with the letter "S" by putting an "E" in front of it,
(estop instead of stop),
big time Mexican.
If you call a chair, a sher, you got it....
Mexican.
If you have ever hurt yourself and your mamacita rubbed the area while chanting,
"Sana, Sana, Colita de rana....."
You're Mexican, big time!!!
If you have your last name in old English lettering anywhere on your
car, truck, or tattooed on your back,
Yes!! you ARE a Mexican (proud one too!)
If you re
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