What do you call a lion wearing a hat? A Dandy Lion.

What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend? Homeless! P.S. This works for just about any instrument player.

I bought some powdered water but I don't know what to add to it.

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

You are a redneck if: you've ever had a family feud over a litter of coondogs.

You are a redneck if: you use a handful of creek mud as birth control.

(This is from my friend, Mitchell. It was very funny at first when we first heard him say it at lunch, and I figured I would share it.) Yo Momma's so fat, she ate a grenade and the explosion didn't even make it out!

You are a redneck if: you've ever dislodged a sunflower seed from the corner of your eye.

Knock,knock.... Who's there? Fortification. Fortification who? Fortification, we're going to Miami. --------------------------------------------- Knock,knock.... Who's there? Carl. Carl who? Carl get you there faster than a bike. -----------------------------------------------

A college student at a recent college football game challenged a senior citizen sitting next to him, saying it was impossible for their generation to understand this: "You grew up in a different world," the student said, loud enough for the whole crowd to hear. "Today we have television, jet planes, space travel, man has walked on the Moon, our spaceships have visited Mars, we even have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing ... and uh ....." Taking advantage of a pause in the student's litany, the senior citizen said, "You're right. We didn't have those things when we were young; so we invented them, you little twit! What are *you* doing for th

Knock-knock. Who's there? Dishes. Dishes who? Dishes me, who's you? (This is me, who's you.)

Yo momma is so fat, if she buys a fur coat, a species will be extinct.