Popular Jokes
1. Your salary is less than your tuition.
2. Your potted plants stay alive.
3. Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd.
4. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
5. You have to pay your own credit card bill.
6. Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal.
7. You haven't seen a soap opera in over a year.
8. 8:00a.m. is not early.
9. You have to file for your own taxes.
10. You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.
11. You're not carded anymore.
12. You carry an umbrella.
13. You learn that "Bachelor" is a nicer term for a jackass.
14. "Extended childhood" only really pertains to your salary, which is a little less than your allowance used to be.
15. "Twenty-som
How many cartoon characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
nine - three to find a light bulb, three to figure out how to remove the old one, three to screw it in, and all of them to complicate it!
1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.
3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country, and who are very good at crosswords.
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand the Washington Post. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.
5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn't have to leave LA to do it.
6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and they did a far su
This man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder and the bar tender asks him,
"What's your newt's name?"
and the man replies,
"Tiny"
and the bar tender says,
"Why is he called Tiny?"
and the man replies,
"Because he is minute."
(minute means small)
A woman goes for her pelvic exam. While the doctor is doing the exam, he notices bikini tan lines, and she has sandals on that say "hecho en mexico" (made in mexico). So he casually asks her, "So did you enjoy your trip to Mexico?"
She sits up a little and stares at him with this look of disbelief. "You can tell that just from a pelvic exam?!?!?"
Q: what do you call two lesbians floating down a river
A: Fur Traders
Q: How can you tell if a lesbian is butch?
A: She kick starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons.
Q: Whats the difference between a lesbian driving in the fog and eating pussy?
A: When u are eating pussy you can still see the asshole in front of you!
Q: What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
A: "I'll see you next month."
Q: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to change it, two to organize the potluck and one to write a folk song about the empowering experience
Q: Why don't fem lesbians go on dates?
A: Because it's hard to eat Jenny Craig when you've go
A kid was at school when his male teacher was passing out alot of homework. The teacher was named bob. Mr. Bob said ''no help from your mom''. The kid named josh ask ''why can't we have help from are mom ''.Mr.bob replied '' your mom probally be very busy tonight so I will call your mom to make sure you want''.So he decided not to ask his mom for help on his homework. when he got home Mr.bob called his mom. She went to her room. When she got in there was a loud noise and he went in there to see what was the matter.mr.bob was sitn there with his mom.And affter a while mr.bob said ''did you finish your homework''.
A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the mechanic.
The mechanic, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have some fun.
So he told her all she had to do was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out.
After 15 minutes of this, the blonde's blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing.
"I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really working."
"Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!"
Two Boy Scouts went on a nature hike in the hills picking hickory nuts. Along the way, they filled their small pails and then started to fill their pockets and shirts.
When they could hold no more nuts, they started down the country road until they came upon a cemetery. The boys decided that it would be a good place to stop and rest to divide the nuts.
The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree and unloaded their pockets and buckets by dumping all of the nuts into a large pile. In the process, two of the nuts rolled away and settled near the road. The boys then proceeded to divide the nuts.
"One for you. One for me. One for you. One for me..."
As they were doing this, another
Patient: Doctor doctor, J keep seeing doubles!
Doctor: Please take a seat.
Patient: Which one?
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