Popular Jokes
Once there were three teenagers, two boys and one girl. The teenagers wanted to stay in a hotel, so they drove to the nearest one. The hotel owner said, "We only have one more free room, but it is the haunted one." The teenagers didn't care, so they said they'd take it anyway. "It's on the 4th floor." the owner said. Once the teenagers had gotten to the 4th floor, they heard a sound coming from inside of the room. The oldest boy said he'd go in first to see what the sound was. He went inside and heard a high-pitched voice saying, "When the log rolls over, we'll all be dead!" The teenager ran through the window screaming and died. Then the second oldest boy went into the room and heard, "When
An Englishman, an American and a Frenchman were discussing a good example of savoir-faire.
"Ok," said the Englishman, "if you came home and found your wife in bed with another man and you didn't kill him, that to me, is savoir-faire."
"Not quite, fellas," said the American. "If you came home and found your wife in bed with another man and you said, 'Please carry on', that's savoir-faire."
"Mais non," said the Frenchman. "If you came home and found your wife in bed with another man and you said, 'Please carry on', and he could, that's savoir-faire."
It was the senior citizens' monthly bus trip, and the new driver, a great deal younger than their usual driver, a sedate 50-something, was careering down winding roads at quite a pace.
The volunteer who was accompanying them was a little flustered, and with an embarrassed laugh, said to the old lady across the aisle, "Some speed, eh, Mrs. Jones?"
"I don't know about the others," she replied, "but I certainly have!"
Grandma Jones from the valley had never experienced a sick day in her life, so she didn't take it kindly when a bad case of the mulligrubs sent her to the hospital for observation.
By the time a pair of husky interns got Grandma tucked into bed, she had managed to complain about everything: the temperature, the lights, the skimpy gown, the food and the mattress, especially, the mattress.
Suddenly, Grandma spotted a small plastic item with a button, attached to a cord. "What's that?" she demanded.
"If you need anything in the middle of the night, Grandma," said one of the interns, "just press that button."
"What does it do, ring a bell?" she asked.
"No, it turns on a light in the ha
I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name and number, I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in person.
Yesterday,
All those backups seemed a waste of pay.
Now my database has gone away.
Oh I believe in yesterday.
Suddenly,
There's not half the files there used to be,
And there's a milestone hanging over me
The system crashed so suddenly.
I pushed something wrong
What it was I could not say.
Now all my data's gone
and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay.
Yesterday,
The need for back-ups seemed so far away.
I knew my data was all here to stay,
Now I believe in yesterday.
"Emily, I don't know what to do," Gloria said to her friend at work. "That good-looking Alan in accounting asked me out for Saturday night. Should I go?"
"Oh, my gosh," her friend exclaimed. "He'll wine you, dine you, and then use any ruse to get you up to his apartment. Then he'll rip off your dress and you'll have fantastic sex!"
"What should I do?"
"Wear an old dress."
"Charles the First walked and talked half an hour after his head was cut off."
Make sense?
It should be-
"Charles the First walked and talked. Half an hour after, his head was cut off."
Several years ago, Baltimore Zoo decided to encamp colonies of tiny Green Monkeys and large Drill Baboons together on an island, the theory being that the primates would stay put because neither could swim.
But the morning after the exhibit opened, zoo officials found little Green Monkeys off the island and wandering around the zoo. The next two mornings, it was the same thing. Finally a vigilant keeper discovered the problem stemmed less from cage design than monkey manners. The baboons, unwilling to share food, were grabbing the Green Monkeys by their tails and hurling them like Olympic hammer throwers off the island during suppertime.
The monkeys were no worse for their daily shuttle, b
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