Every (Bad) Crowd Has A Silver Lining (When I was in college, I used to work in the cafeteria. On this day, two girls are making fun of a third.) Mean Girl #1: "Oooooh, a hamburger? So much for that diet." Mean Girl #2: "Are you kidding? She's never been on a diet in her life!" (The third girl who they are talking to is, for the record, very nice looking.) Girl #3: *taken aback* "I...I worked out today. I need the protein." Me: "Come on, leave her alone. She can eat whatever she wants!" Mean Girl #1: "Yeah, I guess you don't have to worry about what you eat if you're already fat and ugly!" (One of my coworkers has been listening from a distance. He walks over, looks all three girls u

Yo Momma's so poor, I blew my nose, and she said, "Lord thank us, we have food!"

How does santa greet the three blonde sisters? Ho. Ho. Ho.

Your Mom is so fat, she's the only one at the beach that gets a tan.

Yo Momma is so dumb she had to call 411 to get the number for 911.

I had four cappuccinos at one time. I was bouncing off the walls. Good thing they were padded.

A blonde is like a turtle. If either one is on their back, they are screwed!

That sometimes when you cry, no one sees your tears. Sometimes when you're sad, no one understands your pain. Sometimes when you're happy, no one sees your smile. But you just have to fart once, and EVERYBODY knows.

Once there were 3 guys, a Cuban, an American, and an Italian. So they worked together,and it was lunch time, so the American opens his lunch box and sees peanut-butter and jelly sandwich and he says, "If I get a peanut-butter jelly sandwich one more time I'm going to kill myself." Then the Italian opens his lunch box and sees spaghetti and he says, "If I get spaghetti one more time I'm going to kill myself." Lastly, the Cuban opens his lunch and sees black beans and he says, "If I get black beans one more time, I'm going to to do the same. The next day the all open their lunch boxes, and the Cuban sees black beans again, so he kills himself, then the Italian sees spaghetti again, so he kil

Little Emily was complaining to her mother that her stomach hurt. Her mother replied, "That's because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it." The next day, the pastor was over at Emily's family's house for lunch. He mentioned having his head hurt, to which Emily immediately replied, "That's because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it."

All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades. One knight told his best friend - "My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world. It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am leaving you the key to her chastity belt to use should I not return from the Crusade." The company of knights were only a mile or so out of town when they noticed a cloud of dust approaching. Thinking it might be an important message from the town the column halted. A horseman approached. It was the knight's best friend. He yells - "Hey, you gave me the wrong key!!"

Three blondes died and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question. St. Peter asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful..." "Wrong!" replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, "What is Easter?" The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus." St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in disgust, tells her she's wrong, and then peers over his glasses