What do you call a horse that escaped from jail? A Zebra.

This guy sits down at the bar, and starts telling the bartendar, "I've been married for 12 years now and I want some variety. I'm sick of the same old thing! I want something different!" The bartendar says, "12 years thats a long time, you don't want to do anything stupid! Hell, if ya want something different just flip her over!" The man replies, "What? And have a houseful of kids!"

Which comes first, Ben-Gay or Preparation H? Ben-Gay. After you have been gay, you'll need the Preparation H.

A distraught patient phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," the woman wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the woman continued, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious my condition is, because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS.'"

Billy Bob and Lester were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob told Lester, "Ya know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your suggestions as to where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Marie got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Marie got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Marie didn't get pregnant again!" Lester asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?" Billy Bob says, "This year, I'm takin' Marie with me..."

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude." "You must be a teacher," said the balloonist. "I am," replied the woman. "How did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "Everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still

Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?" "I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests." "I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you prepared spiritually?" "Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."

I know this isn't really a joke but I thought it was so funny that I wanted to share it with everyone... 1. In the company of feminists, intercourse should be referred to as: a) Lovemaking b) Screwing c) The pigskin bus pulling into tuna town 2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared: a) Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship b) Your blood-test results c) Five tequila slammers 3. You time your orgasm so that: a) Your partner climaxes first b) You both climax simultaneously c) You don't miss SportsCenter 4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is: a) Healthy, creative love-play b) Not the sort of thing your wife/g

A job seeker was interviewing, and the interviewer asked him, "Tell me what is your greatest strength?" The prospective employee said, "Sir, I am a little bit shy, but should I give you my honest answer?" The interviewer says, "Of course, yes. I expect nothing but honesty from my staff." The job seeker says, "Sir, my greatest strength is my wife." The interviewer was quite impressed with the spousal respect of this man, thought he could be a great member of his team, corporate community and he deserved the job. So with an intention of offering him the job soon the interviewer tried to wrap up with the last question, "Tell me now, what is your greatest weakness?" The guy felt encourage

Knock-Knock. Who's there? Yoo who? No thanks.

Why is it better to be killed by a shark than by a lawyer? Answer: The shark would be brief.

A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it.