Q: What did the little chick say when his mom laid an orange? A: Look at the orange-mama-lade!

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful ... CAREFUL!! Put in some more butter!! Oh my Gosh!! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!! Turn them!! TURN THEM NOW!! We need more butter. Oh my Gosh!! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?! They're going to STICK!! Careful ... CAREFUL!! I said be CAREFUL!! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never!! Turn them! HURRY UP!! Are you CRAZY? Have you lost your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!" The wife stared at him. "What the &^%$&^% is wrong with you? You think I don't know ho

One dog said to her pups, "Don't ever bite the hand that feeds you. Any other hand is ok, though."

Yo Mama So Ugly... she put the Boogie man outta business. she make Michael Jackson look like Brad Pitt when she wobbles down the street in September, folk say, "Damn it, can't believe it's Halloween already..." when she applied for the ugly contest they told her 'NO Professionals' she looked out her window and was arrested for indecent exposure! minutes after she was born her Mother shouted 'What a treasure!" and her Poppa said, "Yes, now let's go and bury her..." they push her face into the dough mixture when making Monster cookies. when they took her to the Beautician it took 10 hours....and that was just for the quote! your Daddy takes her to work each day so he doesn't have to k

Yo momma so stupid that she forgot where she parked her car in an empty parking lot!

Don't let your mind wander. It's too small to be out on its own.

Sure fire signs that your cow has mad-cow disease... * Your cow insists on wearing a little A-1 sauce behind each ear as cologne. * She refuses to let you milk her, saying, "Not on the first date." * Your cow takes up painting and cuts off one of her ears. * Your cow gets a silicon implant for her udder. * Your cow appears on Oprah, claiming to be a horse trapped in a cow's body. * Your cow demands to be branded with the "Golden Arches" logo. * Your cow insists that all Hindus are sacred. * Your cow insists evaporated milk comes from thirsty cows. * Your cow quits the family dairy business and applies for a job at Burger King. * She starts giving you Milk of Amnesia. * Your cow joins the He

Miscellaneous yo mama jokes Yo mama feet are so big her shoes have to have license plates! Yo mama aint so bad...she would give you the hair off of her back! Yo mama lips so big, Chap Stick had to invent a spray. It took yo mama 10 tries to get her drivers license, she couldnt get used to the front seat! Yo mama hips are so big, people set their drinks on them. Yo mama hair so nappy she has to take Tylenol just to comb it. Yo mama so clumsy she got tangled up in a cordless phone. Yo mama so wrinkled, she has to screw her hat on. Yo mama twice the man you are. Yo mama cross-eyed and watches TV in stereo. Yo mama is missing a finger and can't count past nine. Yo mama arms are so sho

1. The Magical World Inside The Abandoned Refrigerator 2. Where to Find the Toys in the Oven 3. 101 Games to Play in the Road 4. Homemade Fireworks using a Bathtub, a Blowdryer, and a Fork 5. Your Nightmares are Real 6. Monsters Killed Grandpa 7. All Guns Squirt Water 8. How Fun it is to Tie a Squirrel to a Kite 9. If it's Storming out, the Best Place to Take Shelter is under a Tree 10. Dad's New Wife Robert

Yo momma so fat, she has to use the highway as a slip and slide!

After a shower, the man grabbed his shirt that his wife hung on the back of the door. It fell into the trash can. After picking it up, he looked into the trash and saw nothing so he put the shirt on. He went to college and walking along the corridor, he heard stiff laughs from everyone. After stopping in an open area, he looked around and saw nothing funny. When he started walking again, when PLOP, something behind him dropped to the floor. It was his wife's bloody pad! Apparently it had been in the trashcan when the shirt fell in and stuck to the back.

Yo Momma so dumb when she went through the McDonalds drive through, she drove through McDonalds.