Popular Jokes
Q. Why do young blondes carry goldfish in their
pockets?
A. So they can smell like old blondes.
Q: Why does the law prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for what is essentially the same service.
A wealthy Australian man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet Dingo along for company.
One day, the Dingo starts chasing butterflies, and before long he discovers that he is lost.
Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. The dingo thinks, "Geez, I'm in deep poop now!" Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dingo exclaims loudly, "Bugger me dead, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the leopard halt
What is Mary short for?
For having no legs, of course...If you didn't have any, you would be short too.
Once upon a time 5 Indians captured 3 Americans and they said to go get fruit or they'll beat them up.
The 1st guy comes back with apples and the Indians tell him to shove 10 apples up his butt. He says "Ok - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5..." then he dies and goes to Heaven.
The 2nd guy comes back with oranges and he was told the same. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9..." then he bursts out laughing and laughs himself to death and he goes to Heaven. The 2 guys meet in Heaven and the 1st one says "why did you stop? you were so close!"
"Because I saw the 3rd guy, he had pineapples!!!"
Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
"No," said his mom, "Of course not."
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"
There was a pregnant women. On the way to the hospital, she got into a wreck. When she woke up her babies were already born. She asked the docter if she could see her babies. He said yes, and don't worry your brother named them. The pregnant woman freaked out and said her brother was an idiot. The doctor said the girl's name is Denice. The pregnant women said, "Maybe my brother is not such an idiot." Then the docter said that the boy's name is "da nephew".
One day this woman got to thinking about how her and her husband's sex life. She realized they basically didn't have one, so she decided to go to the doctor and get him some pills.
The next day she went and the doctor told her to put 1 pill in her husbands coffee every morning.
So, the woman went home and the next morning she did exactly what the doctor perscribed. The woman thought that since the pills worked so well she would put more and more pills in his coffee.
As the week passed the doctor decided to call. When the doctor called their daughter answered and when the doctor asked how things were going she
replied,"Well, my mom's dead, I'm pregnant, my brothers raw and dad is in t
"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that."
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
One day, a grieving relative came to a grave yard to talk to the grave digger.
The woman said to him "I am very poor, and I don't know how I can pay for my husband to be buried!"
The grave digger replied "No problem, I have ways for you to save money while having your husband buried."
"How?" The woman asked.
"It's very simple," the grave digger replied. "To save money on the coffin, all you do is put your husband's body in a large plastic bag, instead of a coffin. To save money on space of the burial, bury your husband standing up instead of laying down. To save money on the headstone, all you need to do to identify your husband is to bury only half of his body and leave his head and
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