A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a little pebble on the beach. The marriage counselor told him, "If you wish to save your marriage, you'd better be a little boulder."

A newlywed couple was walking together, and needed to cross a busy street. They saw Officer Ed. He was controlling traffic, so he said to them in a sarcastic and nasty voice, "Oh, so you just want me to clear traffic so you snots can get across? Oh, sure, I'll do that!" So the couple starts to thank him, when he says, "I don't know why you're walking on this nasty day, anyway! It's just about to rain!" The couple looked up in the sky, but didn't see a cloud in sight. They decided not to say anything, and went across the walkway as Officer Ed stopped the traffic. Although, sure enough, it started to rain as soon as they had crossed. It just so happens that the man and the woman were son

Knock-Knock. Who's There? Cargo. Cargo Who? Car Go "Beep, Beep!"

What's the difference between a "fox" and a "dog?" About 6 drinks.

yo momma's so fat that when she stepped on an air-plane she got arrested for 800 pounds of crack.

One morning a husband took a pair of underwear out of the drawer. "What the...?," he said to himself as a little blue dust cloud appeared when he shook them out. "April!" he hollered into the bathroom, "Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?" She shot back, "It's not talcum powder. It's 'Miracle Grow'."

Knock-Knock Who's there? Apricot. Apricot who? Apricot my key, open up!

Q: Why are cats similar to sentences? A: A cat has claws at the end of its paws; a sentence has pause at the end of its clause.

One night, Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington's ghost in the White House. Clinton saw him and asked, "George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" "Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," advised George. The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. "Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Clinton asked. "Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," advised Tom. Clinton didn't sleep well the next night, and saw another figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost. "Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Clinton asked. "Go to the theatre."

Bill Clinton, George Bush, and Ronald Reagan are in a boat in the Potomac, when suddenly the boat develops a leak. They have only one life preserver jacket. Bill says: "Let's do the Democratic thing. Take a vote to see who gets the life preserver." They each write a name on a piece of paper and stuff it in a coffee can. Bush and Reagan get one vote each; Clinton gets six.

A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof." The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price." The dog replied, "But that would make no sense at all."

Texan: "Where are you from?" Harvard graduate: "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions." Texan: "OK, where are you from, Jackass?"