A Frenchman, a German and a Jew walk into a bar. "I'm tired and thirsty," says the Frenchman. "I must have wine." "I'm tired and thirsty," says the German. "I must have beer." "I'm tired and thirsty," says the Jew. "I must have diabetes."

Have you heard the joke about the blind gynecologist? She could "read lips."

Why was the diver angry at the diving board? Because it flipped him off.

So I asked a religious truck driver what his CB handle is. His answer: "My handle's 'Messiah'." (Get it? Sounds like "Handel's Messiah.")

Yo Dad said to yo mama, "We're getting a color TV!" and yo mama asked, "What color?"

On her birthday, a blonde was given a fishing rod. She decides to use the gift on the weekend and have a good time, so she goes and buys fishing gear and sets out. She goes to what she thinks is a nice fishing spot and drills a hole, then puts her rod in. She hears a man say, "There is no fish in there." So she goes someplace else and drills and puts her rod in. Then hears a man say in an irritated tone, "There is no fish in there." So she repeats the process a third time and again hears the man tell her, "There is no fish in there." Angry, the blonde gets up and faces the man and says, "How do you know there is no fish in there?" The man replies, "This is an ice hockey rink."

Q: Why does the law prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients? A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for what is essentially the same service.

NAMES OF ACTUAL COUPLES GETTING MARRIED: Broken-Bridge Sarry-Huney Big-Theisman Lossin-Hare Redder-Bottum CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HOW LONG THOSE COUPLES LAST!

How do you get a blonde to laugh on Friday? Tell her a joke on Monday!

A blonde walks into a hospital in slight discomfort. "Can I have a hot towel to put on my nose, please?" The nurse was curious and asked, "Why would you like a hot towel to put on your nose?" The blonde replies, "Well, I wanted to sniff some coke to see what the big deal was, and I got an ice cube stuck up my nose."

Yo mama's so dumb, she drowned during the wave at the football stadium.

A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?" A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, "It's my dog. Why?" "Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, "I believe my dog just killed it, sir." "What?" roared the big man in disbelief. "What in the hell kind of dog do you have?" "Sir," answered the little man, "it's a little four week old female puppy." "Bull!" roared the biker, "how could your puppy kill my Doberman