Popular Jokes
A man was waiting for his wife to give birth when the doctor came in and informed the new dad that his son was born without a torso, arms, or legs. The son had only a head! But the dad loved his son anyway, and raised him as well as he could, with love and compassion.
After 21 years, the son was old enough for his first drink. Dad took him to the bar and tearfully told the son he was proud of him. Then Dad ordered up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously, and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy took his first sip of alcohol.
Swoooop! A torso popped out of the bottom of the son's head! The bar was deadly silent; then burst i
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I t
A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a little pebble on the beach.
The marriage counselor told him, "If you wish to save your marriage, you'd better be a little boulder."
A newlywed couple was walking together, and needed to cross a busy street. They saw Officer Ed. He was controlling traffic, so he said to them in a sarcastic and nasty voice, "Oh, so you just want me to clear traffic so you snots can get across? Oh, sure, I'll do that!"
So the couple starts to thank him, when he says, "I don't know why you're walking on this nasty day, anyway! It's just about to rain!"
The couple looked up in the sky, but didn't see a cloud in sight. They decided not to say anything, and went across the walkway as Officer Ed stopped the traffic.
Although, sure enough, it started to rain as soon as they had crossed. It just so happens that the man and the woman were son
yo momma's so fat that when she stepped on an air-plane she got arrested for 800 pounds of crack.
One morning a husband took a pair of underwear out of the drawer. "What the...?," he said to himself as a little blue dust cloud appeared when he shook them out.
"April!" he hollered into the bathroom, "Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?"
She shot back, "It's not talcum powder. It's 'Miracle Grow'."
Q: Why are cats similar to sentences?
A: A cat has claws at the end of its paws; a sentence has pause at the end of its clause.
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