How many men does it take to find anything? Zero. They have to ask a woman 1st and then after she tells them exactly where it is for the umpteenth time & they still can't find it..... The now exasperated woman goes & gets it for them in the exact place she has told them it was. Duh!!!

Unpublished Children's Books You Were an Accident Strangers Have the Best Candy The Little Sissy Who Snitched Some Kittens Can Fly Getting More Chocolate on Your Face Where Would You Like to Be Buried? Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her All Dogs Go to Hell The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer They Say God Did It Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog? Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends? Daddy Drinks Because You Cry Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver You Are Different and That's Bad Pop Goes The Hamster, And Other Great Microwave Games The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins,

The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blond cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots So the sheriff arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up he asks, "Why in the world are you dressed like this?" Cowboy: "Well, it's like this, Sheriff. I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little redhead asks me to go out to her motor home with her, and I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt, so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants, so I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts, so I did. Then she gets on the bed

Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses? If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong? Is there another word for synonym? Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?" If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign? The older you get, the better you realize you were. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays? Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go b

My wife and I are both the youngest child. Combine that with our own experience as parents and we often satirically talk about how things change as you have more children: The First Step First child: My wife grabbed the camera; I grabbed the video camera. My wife took four rolls of film. We immediately ran out to the one-hour developing place and had all four rolls developed with double prints. We had the best picture blown up to 24" x 36" and framed. We hung it up in the entry hall. I had a professional studio turn the four hours of video I taped into a one-hour documentary complete with voice-over by a local anchor-man. Second child: We took one roll of film and five minutes worth of v

Q: What is the mating call of a blonde? A: "I'm drunk!"

All things are possible - except skiing through a revolving door.

Dear son, Good luck with your exams tomorrow. I always think that it's best to stay up partying all of the night before an exam. Exam rooms are always a good place to catch up on sleep, because they're silent, and there's nothing to do in them anyway. Love, Dad

"Hey Sean, I've got a job lined up for you, can you turn up tomorrow, about tenish?" "Tennish? I don't even have a racket"

A teenage girl had just been given family-car privileges, when she returned home very late from a party. The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning. At 11:30am the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, "What time did you get in last night?" "Not too late, Dad," she replied nervously. Dead-pan, her father said, "Then I'll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper under the front wheel of the car."

Put the characters C - D - I - M - L - V - X in the right order - but not alphabetical. I - V - X - L - C - D - M. Roman numerals.

A girl named Zoey goes up to an artist and asks him to paint a picture of her face. "But Miss Zoey, if I paint a picture of your face then I can never be an artist again." "Why?" she asked. "Because if I look at your face too long, I will go blind."