Popular Jokes
Yo Momma's so big, the Apollo 13 crashed into her head, right before it landed on the moon! Maybe that explains why she's so stupid.
In a small southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me.
The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets.
Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You stupid Yankees never do read the Bible!" I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible.
She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face, she said, "See, it s
"Emily, I don't know what to do," Gloria said to her friend at work. "That good-looking Alan in accounting asked me out for Saturday night. Should I go?"
"Oh, my gosh," her friend exclaimed. "He'll wine you, dine you, and then use any ruse to get you up to his apartment. Then he'll rip off your dress and you'll have fantastic sex!"
"What should I do?"
"Wear an old dress."
1. Look before you leap
He who hesitates is lost
2. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again
Don't beat your head against a brick wall
3. Absence makes the heart grow fonder
Out of sight, out of mind
4. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today
Don't cross the bridge until you come to it
5. Two heads are better than one
Paddle your own canoe
6. More haste less speed
Time waits for no man
7. You're never too old to learn
You can't teach an old dog new tricks
8. A word to the wise is sufficient
Talk is cheap
9. It's better to be safe than sorry
Nothing ventured, nothing gained
10. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth
Beware of Greeks bearing gifts
11. Do unto others as
How many mathematicians does it take to replace a lightbulb?
Pi. 3 screw exactly a radius's length, and the last about-one-seventh screws it in all the way!
An exhausted looking blond dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep."
"I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over."
"Great," the blond answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot."
A few weeks later the blond returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!"
"I don't understand how that could be," said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pill
Pythagorean Theorem - 24 words.
Lord's Prayer - 66 words.
Archimedes' Principle - 67 words.
10 Commandments - 179 words.
Gettysburg Address - 286 words.
Declaration of Independence - 1,300 words.
US Government regulations on the sale of cabbage -
26,911 words.
"Transportation in the Middle Ages" by Orson Cart.
"Growing up in the Balkans" by Hugo Slavia.
"The Outboard Motor Died" by Rhoda Shaw.
"Answering the Questions of the Universe" by Howard I. Know.
"Our Son, Russell, the Chef" by Mr. & Mrs. Upsumgrub.
"How to Write a Mystery Novel" by Paige Turner.
"The Great English Breakfast" by Chris P. Bacon.
"Vacation Spots in the Tropics" by Sandy Beech.
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