Why couldn't G-Unit take the bus? They only had 50 cent!

What did the cat say to the other cat on the phone? Can you hear me-ow?

Everyone has a photographic memory, you just don't have any film.

You're so ugly that you scared away a man-eating shark!

George Bush senior and junior were dragging the deer they had just shot back to their truck. Another hunter approached, pulling his along, too. "Sirs, I don't want to tell you how to do something," he said, "but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer the other way, then the antlers won't drag on the ground." After the other hunter left, they decided to try it. A little while later, George junior said to George senior, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!" "Yeah," said George senior, "but we're getting farther from the truck."

Once, a teacher was showing a child a picture of a firefighter taking a child out of a burning building. The teacher asked what that was. The child replied,"A pregnant firefighter." Instead of scolding him, she calmly asked,"Do you know what pregnant means?" The little boy just said, "Yes, it means to be carrying a child."

A man phoned up an exclusive escort agency and asked for a woman. "No problem," said the receptionist. "There's just one thing," said the man,"she has to be 6' 6" tall and weigh 48lbs." "Mmm,let me see --yes we can do that for you, but it will be expensive," said the receptionist. "That's o.k," said the man. "When do you want her?". "Tomorrow night at 7pm," said the man. The next night the doorbell rings and a painfully thin 6' 6" black woman is standing on his doorstep. "Come in, take off all your clothes and go down on all fours," said the man. She complies with his request. He opens the kitchen door and a scrawny black labrador emerges. The woman thinks, "Oh shit, what have I l

One weekend, a couple were having breakfast when the radio suddenly blared, "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow! Please move your car to the even numbered side of the street so that the street sweepers can come through!" So the wife goes out and moves her car. The next weekend, the couple were having breakfast when the radio suddenly blared, "We are expecting 10-12 inches of snow! Please move your car to the odd numbered side of the street so that the street sweepers can come through!" So the wife goes out and moves her car. The next weekend, the couple were having breakfast when the radio suddenly blared, "We are expecting 12-14 inches of snow! Please move your car to the-" And sudde

Yo momma so stupid she went to commit suicide and tried to jump out her basement window.

Yo momma so fat, she used pillowcases for socks.

What monster was created on April 1? Pranken-stien

That master detective, Sherlock Holmes, was sitting on his chair beside the fireplace calmly reading a book when suddenly, his good partner, Dr. Watson came in. Sherlock Holmes looked at his friend and smiled, saying, "Why, Dr. Watson, don't you think the weather is a bit hot for you to be wearing your red flannel underwear?" Dr. Watson was shocked by this incredible and wonderful logic. "My good man," he gasped, "How did you know I was wearing my red flannel underwear?" Holmes smiled wider and put down his book. He explained, "Elementary, my dear Watson. You forgot to put your pants on."