A blonde and a brunette are hanging from a pole to see who can hang the longest. The blonde is showing off by hanging from one hand. The brunette says, "I bet you can't do no hands." The blonde takes the challenge and loses the contest.

How do we look at a calendar to find what date it is, when we don't know the date?

Q. What do you call a cow that gives chocolate milk? A. An Utter Delight!

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An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist." Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute. Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had

15 Reasons Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex 1. You can GET chocolate. 2. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft. 3. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving. 4. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to. 5. You can have chocolate even in front of your mother. 6. Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names. 7. The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate. 8. You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your work mates. 9. You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped. 10. With chocolate there's no need to fake it. 11. You can have chocolate

A Girl went up to her mother and asked, "Mum, is Amsterdam a swear word?" "No, why?" She asked. "Is Rotterdam a swear word?" she asked. "No, why?" her mother repeated. "Well, I heard little sister talking behind my back after I showed her my lollipop, and she said 'I hope that that lollipop rot her damn teeth!'"

Why, Oh Why, Oh Why . . . Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak? Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"? If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles

A tall weather-worn cowboy walked into the saloon and ordered a beer. The regulars quietly observed the drifter through half-closed eyelids. No one spoke, but they all noticed that the stranger's hat was made of brown wrapping paper. Less obvious was the fact that his shirt and vest were also made of paper. As were his chaps, pants, and even his boots, including the paper spurs. Truth be told, even the saddle, blanket and bridle on his horse were made entirely of paper. Of course he was soon arrested for rustling.

One day a little boy and a little girl are outside playing together and they get into an argument. The little boy holds up an army man and says " I bet you don't have one of these!" The little girl finds her army man and holds it up "Yes I do!" she says in a superior tone. The little boy looks through his toys and holds up a dump truck and says "Well I bet you don't have one of these!" Once again the little girl looks through her toys and finds a dump truck and holds it up and says "Oh yes I do!" in a superior tone. The little boy is starting to get mad so he looks through his toys and finally finds a cap gun. He holds it up and yells "Well I bet you don't have one of these!" The littl

You've tried to quote Jeff Foxworthy and screwed it up. You name your car the General Lee. You see a sign that says "bridge out" and you try to jump it.

Once,there was a teacher and a girl named Wendy.The teacher asked for Wendy to say a sentence starting with the word I. So wendy started to say I is....Then the teacher said, "No Wendy, it is I am." So Wendy said, "I am the ninth letter if the alphabet."