One day Little Jimmy has a dentist appointment. The appointment is during 7:20 to 8:20, which is the first hour of Little Jimmy's school. The appointment went fine, but Little Jimmy's mom had to get up from bed early to take Little Jimmy to his appointment, so she is a little tired. Little Jimmy's mother gives him a note, and she instructs him to give the note to his teacher. Little Jimmy doesn't look at the note, then when he gets into his classroom, he hands the note to his teacher, just as his mother had instructed. His teacher took the note, took a glance at it, then fainted. Little Jimmy and his classmates ran over to her to look at the note to see what all the commotion was. The note r

Q: What do you call it, when a bison gets a loan? A: A Buffa-loan!

Q: How do you recognize a blonde in school? A: They are the only ones who erase their notebook when the teacher erases the board.

A man dies and finds himself standing third in line at the Pearly Gates. The Angel explains that admission requirements are now a bit more strict, as a few slum landlords and con artists have managed to slip into Heaven without being detected. He queries the first candidate: "What was your annual salary, and what was your profession?" "I made $150,000 as an Attorney" comes the reply. "You may enter" says the Angel. Second candidate, same question. "I made $95,000; I was a realtor." He is also permitted to enter. Now it is the third man's turn. "My annual salary was $8,000." "Cool!" replies the Angel, "and what instrument did you play?"

Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom. Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decides he had better dive down to rescue him. He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where upon the head starts coughing and sputtering. Eventually the head catches his breath

A patient was waiting for some results from his doctor. When the doctor arrives he says, "I have some good news and some bad news which do you want first." The patient says, "Give me the bad news first!" Doctor replies, "You've got AIDS." "Oh, no! What could be worse than that?" asks the patient. "You've also got Alzheimer's Disease." Looking relieved the patient says, "Oh...Well, that's not so bad. At least I don't have AIDS."

As is known, there is a large leper colony in Hawaii. To help ease the pain the patients have while there, a hockey rink was built to provide them entertainment. Only problem was that only one game ever got played on the rink. Within two minutes of game time, there was a face off in the corner.

What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved

"Doctor! I have a serious pronblem, I can never remember what I just said." "When did you first notice this problem?" "What problem?"

I can only be kind to one person a day. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Today is not your day.

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.

You're so ugly that when it's Christmas, instead of giving you toys, Santa gives you plastic bags to cover your face.