I'm dyslexic, and attended a conference about the disorder with a friend. The speakers asked us to share a personal experiences with the group. I told them stress aggravates my condition, in which I reverse words and letters when I'm tense. When I finished speaking, my friend leaned over and whispered to me, "Now I know why you named your daughter Hannah."

Five cannibals were employed by Army as scouts and translators during on of the island campaigns during World War II. When the Commanding Officer of ground forces welcomed the cannibals he said, "You're all part of our team now. We will compensate you well for your services, and you can eat any of the rations that the Soldiers are eating. But please don't indulge yourselves by eating a Soldier." The cannibals promised. Four weeks later the CO returned and said, "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. However, one of our Master Sergeants has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to him?" The cannibals all shook their heads no. After the CO left

There was once a very stupid parrot that could only say: "Who's there?" So one fine evening, while its owner was out shopping, the gas delivery man arrived at the door. He pressed the door bell and waited for the door to be opened. At that moment, the parrot said: "Who's there?" The man then promptly replied: "Gas delivery man." The parrot then spoke: "Who's there?" The man then repeated himself again. After several hours, the owner returned home. He was shocked to find a man outside his door, foaming in his mouth. Puzzled, he said:" Who's that?" A voice from inside the house replied: "Gas delivery man."

Yo Momma so hairy . . . . . she has to have a hair trapper in her kitchen sink.

There was a tradesman, a painter named Jack, who was very interested in making a dollar where he could. So he often would thin down his paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time. Eventually the local church decided to do a big restoration project. Jack put in a painting bid and, because his price was so competitive, he got the job. And so he started, erecting the trestles and putting up the planks, and buying the paint and thinning it down with turpentine. Jack was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly done, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder. The sky opened and the rain poured down, washing the thin paint fr

Three boys are walking along the beach one day when they see a cave. The first boy goes in and is just looking at a banknote on a big rock when a ghostly voice calls out, "I am the ghost of Auntie Mabel and this five dollars stays on the table!" The second boy goes in and is reaching for the money when the same thing happens again. The third boy goes in, sees the five dollars and cries out, "I am the ghost of David Crockett and this five dollars goes in my pocket!"

Yo momma's so fat that a car hit her and she turned around and said "Hey! Who threw that rock!"

Yo momma is so fat, that every time you smack her butt, you can ride the waves!

A Japanese company and an American company decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race. On the big day the Japanese won by a mile. Afterward, the American team became very discouraged and morally depressed. The American management decided the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion was that the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 8 people steering and one person rowing. So American management hired a consulting company and

READ SLOWLY----THESE ARE RATHER CLEVER! 1. ARBITRATOR: A cook that *leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds 2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tried to do 3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage 4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with 5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate 6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets 7. ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living 8. EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist 9. HEROES: What a guy in a boat does 10. LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money 11. MISTY: How golfers create divots 12. PARADOX: Two physicians 13. PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower 14. PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm 15. POLARIZE: W

A nurse dies and goes to heaven. She is met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter who asks her questions about her life. Over St. Peter's shoulder the nurse spots a man in a white coat sitting on a cloud with a stethoscope around his neck. "Oh brother!" she cries. "Is that a doctor?" St Peter glances over his shoulder and says, "No, that's God. He just thinks he's a doctor."

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog: 1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up. 2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell. 3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they are tasty, they are not food. 4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. 5. The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and Dad's laps. 6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. 7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator. 8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration. 9. I will