A man goes to the store with a list of things he needs to buy for his wife, and as he is going in he sees a child with free kittens. He continues and buys the things on the list. On the way out he sees the free kittens again and no-one has taken any. So he takes his things to his car, comes backs and takes the SIX kittens that are left. He goes home brings in the groceries and then the six kittens. when his wife sees the six kittens she says "Why do you have six kittens, six kittens!" Husband calmly replys, "Six kittens hell, those are six pale bearers for your dead pussy!"

A man is rescued from a desert island after 20 years. The news media, amazed at this feat of survival, ask him to show them his home. "How did you survive? How did you keep sane?" they ask him, as he shows them around the small island. "I had my faith. My faith as a Jew kept me strong. Come." He leads them to a small glen, where stands an opulent temple, made entirely from palm fronds, coconut shells and woven grass. The news cameras take pictures of everything — even a torah made from banana leaves and written in octopus ink. "This took me five years to complete." "Amazing! And what did you do for the next fifteen years?" "Come with me." He leads them around to the far side of the island.

Mik:Darn it! There's only 2 chips in my bowl.Damn you,chips! Mak: Aargh! you made me so angry I am gonna punch them! Mak punches the chips. Mik: WHOAH! you made 2 big chips into 20 small ones! Mak: I AM JESUS OF THE DORITOS!!

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but wo

One day a man and a woman were driving and they get into a terrible collision with each other. Both cars are wrecked beyond recognition, but they both crawl out of the wreckage unhurt. The woman says, "In a terrible accident...both of us are alive and, well, this must be a sign from God!" The man agrees. The woman says, "Well, we should celebrate our lives...here, let's drink to our celebration." She reaches into her wreckage of her car and pulls out a bottle of champagne which miraculously was not broken or even cracked. The man takes a huge gulp of the wine and passes it to the woman who politely waves it away. The man says, "Don't you want any? It was your idea." The woman says, "No thank

Q: Why does the law prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients? A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for what is essentially the same service.

A waiter asks a man, "May I take your order, sir?" "Yes," the man replies. "I'm just wondering, exactly how do you prepare your chickens?" "Nothing special, sir. We just tell them straight out that they're going to die."

What did the Zen Buddhist say to the New York hot-dog vendor? "Make me one with everything."

How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, blondes usually screw in cars!

A man had just got his car stuck in a mudhole during a drive in the country and he needed help getting it out. So he walked until he found a farm and asked the farmer for help. The farmer agrees to help the guy out. So he takes a horse out of the stable and leads him to the car. The farmer then ties a harness around the horse and the other end to the car. The farmer yells, "Pull, Sandy!" The horse just stands there. The farmer yells, "Come on now, pull Twister!" The horse once again just stands there. Finally the farmer yells, "Ok dangit, PULL RANGER! You're just standing there!" Finally the horse springs forward and with all the strength he has he pulls the car out of the ditch and onto the

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No," said his mom, "Of course not." Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

One day this woman got to thinking about how her and her husband's sex life. She realized they basically didn't have one, so she decided to go to the doctor and get him some pills. The next day she went and the doctor told her to put 1 pill in her husbands coffee every morning. So, the woman went home and the next morning she did exactly what the doctor perscribed. The woman thought that since the pills worked so well she would put more and more pills in his coffee. As the week passed the doctor decided to call. When the doctor called their daughter answered and when the doctor asked how things were going she replied,"Well, my mom's dead, I'm pregnant, my brothers raw and dad is in t