Popular Jokes
A man goes into a pet shop looking for an exotic pet. The owner tells the man, "we have iguanas...". The Man says, "No, I am looking for something really different. Everyone has iguanas, snakes, fish, and spiders!" The owner of the shop then tells the man that he has a talking centipede. The man gets excited; and says, "I'll take it!"
On the way home, the man tries to make small talk with the centipede; but he gets no response. He just figures the thing is shy. Once they get home, the man has an idea; and asks the centipede if he wants to go to the bar with him. No response. He gets agitated and taps the centipede's box pretty hard. "I said; Do you want to go to the bar with me?!?!"
Aft
Are you a wealthy and successful suit-and-tie yuppie businessman who has always had a secret dream and hope that you might one day become a redneck?
Have you always wanted to be a Bubba and know the freedom of the redneck life, but didn't know how?
Is there an inner Cletus inside that dapper and dignified executive image, just hollerin' to get out?
Yes, we are talking to YOU, Mister Suit and Tie!
Well, now, Mister Corporate High-flyer, YOU can become the redneck you have always wanted to be!
TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE? No! It's TRUE!
Purchase the following: one pair of overalls, one pack of chewing tobacco, several extra strength large garbage bags and six cases of beer. That is all yo
My wife and I are both the youngest child. Combine that with our own experience as parents and we often satirically talk about how things change as you have more children:
The First Time the Child Fell and Got a Cut
First child: My wife and I frantically ran over to the child. We swept him up and rushed him to the emergency room. No stitches were needed but we spent the night with him in his room just in case the bleeding started again.
Second child: We walked over to her, picked her up and quickly bandaged her up. We spent the next two hours rocking her in the living room to comfort the pain.
Third child: I told my wife that if he was still crying in a couple of minutes, we should go o
Lipstick; (noun)
On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth.
On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear!
A little child about a year old begins to talk. His dad asks him, "What would you like for your first birthday?"
The child answers, "A pink ping pong ball."
"Sure," says the dad.
The kid turns five and again is asked, "So what would you like for your birthday, son?"
"A pink ping pong ball," he says again.
"OK."
Ten years old and is asked for another birthday present, and he answers, "A pink ping pong ball."
"Why do you keep asking for a pink ping pong ball, sport?"
"I'll tell you later, dad," answers the child.
The boy turns into a man, twenty-one years old.
"My boy is finally old enough to drink! What do you want for your birthday?"
The child thinks..."A pink ping pong ball!"
"Why the
Q: Is one permitted to ride in an airplane on the Sabbath?
A: Yes, as long as your seat belt remains fastened. In this case, it is considered that you are not riding, you are wearing the plane.
On the eve of the First Boer War, thousands of blondes lined the streets campaigning for animal rights. 'If it's illegal for human women, it's gotta be the same for swine,' said one activist.
A spanish speaking person was eating breakfast they where having english muffins the rest of the family was English(The Spanish speaking guy was adopted)so he was eating an English muffin after that he tried to say Uno but instead was completely English Wierd
Yo Momma is so fat she had a dream of marshmallows, and when she woke up, her pillows were gone.
Your momma so fat that when she layed on the beach, four guys from greenpeace tried to throw her back in.
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