A rich Chinese family (a 36 year old dad, a 36 year old mom, and a 2 year old son) was flying in their private jet. It ran out of fuel, and there were only two parachutes. The parents decided they could always have another son, so they grabbed the parachutes and jumped off. When they got home, they saw their son sitting on their porch. "How the hell did you get here? And before us?" the dad said, confused. The little boy stood up and said, "Me Chinese, me think fast, me hold on to daddy's ass. He make fart, I go zoom, that's how I get home so soon!"

You're so ugly that when you entered an ugly contest, out of 10,000 people, you won first place!

I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your damn chain letters over the past few years. Yes, thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of what's left of my heart for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Because of your concern...I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine. I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell lik

What's red and invisible? No tomato.

ஆசிரியர்: பெருசா ஆனதும் நீ என்ன செய்ய போற?மாணவன்: கல்யாணம் செஞ்சிக்குவேன் சார்..ஆசிரியர்: அத கேட்கலடா..நீ என்னவா ஆகா போறே?மாணவன்: மாப்பிள்ளையா ஆவேன் சார்..ஆசிரியர்: அதில்லைடா..பெருசா ஆனா பிறகு நீ எதை அடைய போற?மாணவன்: ஒரு பொண்ணை அடைவேன் சார்..ஆசிரியர்: முட்டாள்...பெருசா ஆனா பிறகு உங்க அப்பா அம்மாவுக்காக என்ன செய்வ..மாணவன்: வீட்டுக்கு ஒரு நல்ல மருமகளை கொண்டு வருவேன் சார்..ஆசிரியர்: முண்டம்..உங்க அப்பா உன்கிட்ட என்ன எதிர் பார்ப்பார்?மாணவன்: ஒரு பேரனோ பேத்தியோ சார்..ஆசிரியர்: சுத்தம்..உருப்பட்ட மாதிரி தான்..

1. A few fries short of a Happy Meal. 2. The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead. 3. He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. 4. Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor. 5. Forgot to pay his brain bill. 6. A few clowns short of a circus. 7. If he had another brain, it would be lonely. 8. Too much yardage between the goal posts. 9. A few beers short of a six-pack. 10. Dumber than a box of hair. 11. A few peas short of a casserole. 12. One taco short of a combination plate. 13. All foam, no beer. 14. The cheese slid off his cracker. 15. Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel. 16. Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt. 2 17. Warning: Objects

A pastor was giving the children's message during church. For this part of the service, he would gather all the children around him and give a brief lesson before dismissing them for children's church. On this particular Sunday, he was using squirrels for an object lesson on industry and preparation. He started out by saying, "I'm going to describe something, and I want you to raise your hand when you know what it is." The children nodded eagerly. "This thing lives in trees (pause) and eats nuts (pause)..." No hands went up. "And it is grey (pause) and has a long bushy tail (pause)..." The children were looking at each other, but still no hands raised. "And it jumps from branch to branch (

Three vampires go into a bar. The bartender asks the first one, "What can I getcha?" The first vampire replies, "I'll have a pint of blood". The bartender then asks the second vampire, and he too orders a pint of blood. The bartender turns to the third vampire and asks, "What about you?" The third vampire says, "I think I'll have a pint of plasma." The bartender says, "OK, so that will be two Bloods and one Blood Lite."

A boy asks his dad,"Dad, what is 6.9?" The dad answers, "69 interrupted by a period!"

It was the first day of college, and time for the usual 'authoritative declaration of the not to be broken rules'. The principal, in typical intimidating fashion, addressed the students: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students. The male dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all the female students". The principal, sensing he was on a roll, stood tall and powerful as he covered the punishments for breaking the rules. "Be wary, anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20. It doesn't stop there though, anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?" "How much for a sea

Q: What's invisible and smells like carrots? A: Bunny farts!

The Pope met with the Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, leader of the Jewish nation. "Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior by challenging you to a golf match." The Pope was greatly disturbed as he had never held a golf club in his life. "Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "We'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres....we can't lose!" Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honoured and agreed to play. The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the m