Popular Jokes
Just in case you've had a rough day at work, here's a technique recommended in all the
latest psychological texts.
1. Picture yourself near a stream.
2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.
3. No one but you knows your secret place.
4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called "the world."
5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of
serenity.
6. The water is crystal clear.
7. You can easily make out the face of the person you're holding underwater...your boss...
A guy driving a Yugo pulled up to a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce.
He rolled down his window and shouted to the driver of the Rolls. "Hey, buddy, that's a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I've got a phone in my Yugo!"
The driver of the Rolls looked over and said snobbishly, "Yes, I have a phone."
The driver of the Yugo said, "Cool! Hey, you also got a fridge in there, too? I've got one in the back seat of my Yugo!"
The driver of the Rolls, much annoyed, says, "Yes, I have a refrigerator."
The driver of the Yugo said, "That's great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my Yugo!"
The driver of the Rolls, quite irritated by now, replied
A mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafe". Mom was puzzled at first, but then went the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last drop."
Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Benson & Hedges". Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's ci
A girl went to a dentist to have her teeth filled. The dentist asked,
"What kind of fillings do you want? White or silver?"
The girl replied, "Chocolate fillings."
Knock-Knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who
Orange you tired of hearing the same stupid jokes about oranges?
PATIENT: "Doctor can you help me? It's my hearing. I can't even hear myself cough."
DOCTOR: "Okay, have this prescription filled."
PATIENT: "Oh, will it improve my hearing?"
DOCTOR: "No, but it will help you cough better."
A guy walks up to a doctor and asks: "What type of questions do you ask people to decide if they are retarded or not?"
"I ask questions like; If you had to empty a bathtub that was full of water, and I gave you a teaspoon, a bucket, and a cup, how would you get the water out?" "Oh I see," the man said, "a sensible man would use the bucket because it is bigger."
"No, a sensible person would pull the plug."
One day there is a well-educated man sitting in a redneck bar reading a book. A Redneck happens to wander over to him and asks, "Whatcha there reading Mister?"
The educated man replies, "It's a book about logic".
Confused, the redneck replies "Logic? What's logic?"
The educated man explains to the man, "Logic is the ability to come to a conclusion knowing only one fact. For example, do you own a weed whacker?"
The Redneck shouts, "Hell yeah I own a weed whacker!"
So the educated man continues, "Well, if you have a weed whacker, and I know you have a weed whacker, I know you have a lawn. If I know you have a lawn I know you have a house. If you have a house, demographically speaking I ca
Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change.
Frank adamantly rejects the man in disgust.
Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couple of singles and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile.
The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the other passengers.
Frank is outraged by his friend's act of generosity.
"What on earth did you do that for?" shouts Frank., "You know he's only going to use it on drugs or booze."
Matt replies, "And we weren't?"
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