A Mexican, an Asian, an African, and an American all somehow come across a genie at the same time. They rub the lamp and the genie pops out and agrees to grant them all one wish each. The genie turns to the Mexican and asks what he wished for. "I wish that myself and all of my people could return to Mexico and live without poverty and wars." With that, the Mexican disappeared. The genie then turns to the Asian and asks what he wished for. "I wish that myself and all my people could go return to our countries in Asia and live in peace and happiness." And the Asian disappears. The genie next asked the African what he would like. "I wish that myself and all of my African Brothers and

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

There was a little guy in a bar drinking his beer, when all of a sudden a big guy comes and knocks him off his stool and says "that was a karate chop from Japan" The little guy get's back up on his stool again and start's to drink his beer again, when all of a sudden the big guy knock's him of his stool again, and says that was a karate kick from China, So the little guy get's back up and leave's for a moment then come's back in and goes up to the big guy hits him and knock's him off of his stool out cold.... he then, tell's the bartender "when he gets up to ask me, that was a crowbar from Sears"

A male gorilla at the zoo had been separated from his mate for several months and was really horny. One night after the zoo had closed and all the animal keepers had left, he decided he was going to tear the bars apart and screw the first thing he could find. As he left his cage and ran through the zoo he came upon a lion sleeping in the grass. He really wasn't thrilled with his find but since he had promised himself he would take the first thing he could get, he grabbed the lion and screwed it. Just as the gorilla finished, the lion awoke and was really pissed. The lion started chasing the gorilla through the zoo and was beginning to gain on him. The gorilla turned a corner and saw a p

A baby polar bear goes up to his dad and asks, "Dad, am I pure polar bear?" The dad replies, "Sure you are son. I'm all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all polar bear." Still unsure the baby polar bear goes to his mom and asks, "Mom, am I pure polar bear?" She answers, "Of course you are honey. I'm all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear." Still not convinced the baby polar bear goes to his grandparents and asks, "Grandmom...Grandpop...am I all polar bear?" His grandmother answers, "Of course you are sweetie. We're all polar bear, your mother is all polar bea

All the little rascals sat down for class, and the teacher decided to start off the day with a spelling quiz. The teacher first asked Darla, "Darla, can you spell dumb?" "D-u-m-b," said Darla The teacher then said, "Can you use it in a sentence?" "Buckwheat is dumb." "Okay, can you spell stupid?" said the teacher. "S-t-u-p-i-d." "Can you use it in a sentence?" "Buckwheat is stupid." "Buckwheat, can you spell dictate?" "D-i-c-t-a-t-e." "Can you use it in a sentence?" "I may be dumb, and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good."

'The Romance of Leprosy', E Mackerchar 1949 'Why bring that up? a guide to seasickness', J F Montague 1936 'Penetrating Wagner's Ring', John L Di Gaetanao 1978 'Constipation & our Civilization', J C Thomson 1943 'A pictorial book of tongue coating', Anon 1981 'A Government committee of Enquiry on the Light metal artificial Leg', Captain Henery Hulme & Chisholm Baird 1923 'Daddy was an undertaker', McDill, McGown & Gassman 1952 'Amputation Stumps: Their care & after-treatment', Sir Godfrey Martin Huggins 1918 'A Study of Masturbation & its reputed Sequelae', J F W Meagher 1924 'Sex after Death', B J Ferrell & D E Frey 1983

Eat right, stay fit, die anyway!

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Ask me about my vow of silence..

Mrs. Flebs, a teacher, was standing in front of her class. It was the beginning of the new school year. Mrs. Flebs said, "Okay class, we're going to go around the room and have everybody say a sentence. We'll start with Sarah." Sarah said, "Cows have spots." Terrence said, ''Baseball is a sport." Carla said, "Computers are electronic." Bobby said, "Urinate." Mrs. Flebs said, "Bobby, urinate is a word, not a sentence." Bobby said, "Not urinate, it's you're an eight. And if you had bigger tits you'd be a ten."

Once there was a girl who wanted larger breasts, so one day she went to see her doctor, Dr. Smith. Dr. Smith told her to rub her breasts and repeat the following: "SCOOBIE,DOOBIE,LOOBIE, I WANT BIGGER BOOBIES". One day she was running late, and decided to do her exercises on the bus when a guy came up to her and asked if she was a patient of Dr. Smith's, to which she replied: "Yes, how did you know?". He replied "HICKORY DICKORY DOC!"