Ryan's teeth were so yellow that when he walked outside, the sun said give me my butter.

The priest was instructing a class of third- graders at All Saints grammar school. "There were two brothers, and one of them chose the wicked path of Satan. The brother was evil and corrupt and did great damage to many people, and wound up a convicted criminal in a tiny, dark cell. "But the other brother studied hard and became a great, rich, knowledgeable lawyer. "Now, children, what is the difference between these two brothers, who started out in the same place, who together embarked upon life's stormy seas?" Herman raised his hand and said, "Easy. One of them got caught."

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom." He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened. Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But, you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put to you that you

After receiving, for what must be the hundredth time, the canonical light bulb joke list, I came up with this: Q: How many senior Presidential Aides does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. They're supposed to keep the President in the dark. A' : One: to award a billion dollar sole-source contract with Halliburton to replace it. A'': thirty-eight: One to say that no one could have foreseen the bulb's burning out, one to spin stories for newspapers that the President's bulb-changing program is working well, and thirty-five to go out on talk shows to accuse the Democrats of being weak on light, and one to deny rumors that it's still dark in there. A''': sixty: thirty to bribe st

Once there were three teenagers, two boys and one girl. The teenagers wanted to stay in a hotel, so they drove to the nearest one. The hotel owner said, "We only have one more free room, but it is the haunted one." The teenagers didn't care, so they said they'd take it anyway. "It's on the 4th floor." the owner said. Once the teenagers had gotten to the 4th floor, they heard a sound coming from inside of the room. The oldest boy said he'd go in first to see what the sound was. He went inside and heard a high-pitched voice saying, "When the log rolls over, we'll all be dead!" The teenager ran through the window screaming and died. Then the second oldest boy went into the room and heard, "When

what do you get when you cross a LAWYER and a LIBRARIAN? All the information you want, but you can't understand it!

One day, a blonde decided to build a brick wall, so she went to a home depot. While a worker was walking down an aisle, he saw the blonde walking around in circles looking confused, so he went over and asked her what she wanted to make. She answered that she wanted to make a brick wall. Then the worker asked her what size; after thinking thoroughly she answered, "And they say blondes are stupid; how am I supposed to know? There is no fence to measure."

Yo momma is so fat, she wore an X-Files T-shirt and a helicopter landed on her.

A man stops to stay at hotel for the night, and when he goes to check in, the clerk tells him, "There is only one room left, and there are three holes in the wall. Whatever you do, don't stick your dick into any of the holes." When the man gets inside the room, his curiosity gets the best of him, and he sticks his dick in the first hole. Immediately a hunter shoots it off with a rifle. The pain is so unbearable, the man jumps out the second story window and plummets to his death. The next night, another man comes to stay at the same hotel. The clerk tells him, "There is only one room left, and there are three holes in the wall. Whatever you do, don't stick your dick into any of the holes.

Knock Knock. Who's there? Toulose. Toulose who? I don't want to lose to anybody!

99.9% of all lawyers make the other ones look bad.

Yesterday, All those backups seemed a waste of pay. Now my database has gone away. Oh I believe in yesterday. Suddenly, There's not half the files there used to be, And there's a milestone hanging over me The system crashed so suddenly. I pushed something wrong What it was I could not say. Now all my data's gone and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay. Yesterday, The need for back-ups seemed so far away. I knew my data was all here to stay, Now I believe in yesterday.