Q. What are the small bumps around a woman's' nipples for ? A. They are Braille for "suck here".

Yo momma's so fat, she plays hopscotch like this: "Washington, California..."

One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink it exploded into flames. The alarm went out to the fire departments from miles around. When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said,"All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact. But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire

These two poor kids go to a birthday party at a rich kid's house. The kid is so rich that he has his own swimming pool, and all the kids go in. As they're changing afterwards, one of the poor kids says to the other one, "Did you notice how small the rich kid's penises were?" "Yeah," says his mate, "It's probably because they've got toys to play with."

Soup manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking America's shelves this week with "Clinton Soup," that will honor one of the nation's most distinguished men. It consists primarily of a small weenie in hot water. Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Drafter will begin production in Canada this year. When Clinton was asked what he thought about foreign affairs, he replied: "I don't know, I never had one." American Indians have nicknamed Bill Clinton as "Walking Eagle" because he is so full of crap he can't fly. Clinton only lacks three things to become one of America's finest leaders: Integrity, vision, and wisdom. Clinton is d

While making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray to a group of first year medical students. "As you can see," she says, "the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. Michael, what would you do in a case like this?" "Well," ponders the student, "I suppose I'd limp too."

1.Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary, we hear you coming." 2.Outside a hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people." 3.On a desk in a reception room: "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left." 4.In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes, Sit! Stay!" 5.At the electric company: "We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't you will be." 6.On the door of a computer store: "Out for a quick byte." 7.In a restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up." 8.Inside a bowling alley: "Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop." 9.In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully,

In golf, some people tend to get confused with all the numbers. They shoot a six, yell fore, and write five.

A guy driving a Yugo pulled up to a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. He rolled down his window and shouted to the driver of the Rolls. "Hey, buddy, that's a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I've got a phone in my Yugo!" The driver of the Rolls looked over and said snobbishly, "Yes, I have a phone." The driver of the Yugo said, "Cool! Hey, you also got a fridge in there, too? I've got one in the back seat of my Yugo!" The driver of the Rolls, much annoyed, says, "Yes, I have a refrigerator." The driver of the Yugo said, "That's great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my Yugo!" The driver of the Rolls, quite irritated by now, replied

I slide to first. I feel like I'm going to burst. Diarrhea, diarrhea. I slide to two. My pants are filled with goo. Diarrhea, diarrhea. I slide to third. I dropped a runny turd. Diarrhea, diarrhea. I slide to home. My pants are filled with foam. Diarrhea, diarrhea. First its in the pants, then its on the floor. I make a 20 yard dash to the bathroom door. Some people think its funny. Its coming out back runny. Well, diarrhea.

Once upon a time, long, long ago there was a season when neither the Browns nor the Steelers made the post season playoffs. It seemed so unusual that the management of both teams got together and decided that there should be some sort of competition between the two teams, because of their great rivalry. So, they decided on a week long ice fishing competition. The team that catches the most fish at the end of the week wins. So on a cold freezing day on Lake Erie they began their contest. The first day after 8 hours of fishing the Browns had caught 0 fish and the Steelers had 100. At the end of the 2nd day the Browns had caught 0 fish and the Steelers 200. That evening the Browns coach

Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?