BASIC: Bill''s Attempt to Seize Industry Control（比尔的企图：夺取工业控制） ISDN: It Still Does Nothing（它仍然什么都不做） DOS: Defunct Operating System（已死亡的操作系统） MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs（大部分功能崩溃，如果没有，则操作系统挂起） WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System（将在所有系统中安装无用数据） MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers（大部分聪明的用户认识到我们的软件仅仅欺骗年轻人）

MORNING WOOD! Get ready... this is quite possibly one of the funniest true stories I've read in a long while! No matter how many times I read it, I still can't keep the tears away! I caution the weak of heart before reading today's joke - you know who you are - so you might as well hit the "delete" key now... (The author is responding to a woman who accidentally walked into the men's restroom): Please don't feel bad. It wasn't you entering the men's washroom that caused that guy to pee on the guy next to him. Hell, we do that all the time. It's rare us guys ever hit what we're aiming for. Sometimes I go into the washroom, start to pee, and then just start spinning around, just so I'll mak

Q: What do a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common? A: In the end, someone's gonna lose a trailer.

A man walks into a bar and has a few drinks. The bartender gives him the bill but the man has left his wallet at home. So the man tells the bartender he paid already. The bartender says, "If you say you paid I believe you." The man leaves and sees a co-worker on the other side of the bar. He tells the co-worker the bartender can't keep track of who paid and who hasn't. The co-worker drinks some more and gets the bill. The co-worker says, "But I've paid already." The bartender says, "Well I guess you could of. I believe you." The co-worker leaves and sees an old friend of his on the street. The co-worker tells the friend about the nice little scam in the bar. The friend goes in the bar and dr

Knock Knock! Who's there? Little boy blue. Little Boy Blue who? Micheal Jackson!!!!!

Signs you're a redneck Jedi; -You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all." -Your Jedi robe is camouflage. -You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light. -At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored. -You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok. -You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard. -The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters. -Wookiees are offended by your B.O. -You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial. -You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling. -Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to

If I wanted to think of a better come back, I'd dig it out of your @$$!

A man traveling down a country road was forced to stop before a giant puddle covering the entire road. Looking to the side of the road, the man noticed a farmer leaning on a fence. "Think it's safe to cross?" the man asked. "I reckon so," replied the farmer. The car was immediately swallowed by the puddle as the man drove in. In fact, it was so deep that he had to roll his window down to swim out of his car back to the surface. As his head broke the surface, the man said to the farmer, "I thought you said I could safely drive through this puddle!" "Well, shoot!" said the farmer, scratching his head. "It only come up chest-high on my ducks!"

Two white horses fell in the mud and three came out.

Having been raised a Catholic and having gone to church some time in my past, I think these are still verifiable! AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN: 1. Parish information read only during the homily. 2. Catholic air conditioning. 3. Your receipt for attending Mass. CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Congregation to lip-sync. HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY. HYMN: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range. RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass, often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left. INCENSE: Holy Smoke! JESUITS:

How do you know if you're a redneck? If you go to a cousin's wedding looking for a girlfriend.

Justification for beer and ice cream! But stay away from the pizza! As we all know, it takes 1 calorie to heat 1 gram of water 1 degree centigrade. Translated into meaningful terms, this means that if you eat a very cold dessert (generally consisting of water in large part), the natural processes which raise the consumed dessert to body temperature during the digestive cycle literally suck the calories out of the only available source, your body fat. For example, a dessert served and eaten at near 0 degrees C (32.2 deg. F) will, in a short time, be raised to the normal body temperature of 37 degrees C (98.6 deg. F). For each gram of dessert eaten, that process takes approximately 37 calor