If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember everything.

A brunette on a river bank sees a blonde on the far shore and yells to her: "How do I get to the other side of the river?" And the blonde yells back "You're ON the other side."

A woman goes to Italy to attend a two week, company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her a good trip. The wife answers, "Thank you hon, what would like me to bring for you?" The husband laughs and says, "An Italian girl." The woman kept quiet and left. Two weeks later he picks her up at the airport and asks, "So, hon, how was the trip?" "Very good, thank you." "And what happened to my present?" "What present?" she asked "The one I asked for - an Italian girl!" "Oh, that," she said. "Well, I did what I could, now we'll have to wait for nine months to see if it's a girl!"

My wife and I are both the youngest child. Combine that with our own experience as parents and we often satirically talk about how things change as you have more children: The Trip to the Hospital First child: Every time we felt the slightest B & H contraction, we rushed to the hospital. I would carry my wife to the car and lay her down in the back seat surrounded by pillows. Second child: We timed the contractions. By the time she had three in thirty minutes, we rushed to the hospital. She sat in the front seat, with it leaned back and a pillow behind her head and another at her feet. Third child: I came home from the office as soon as she started having regular contractions. When

My wife and I are both the youngest child. Combine that with our own experience as parents and we often satirically talk about how things change as you have more children: The First Time the Child Fell and Got a Cut First child: My wife and I frantically ran over to the child. We swept him up and rushed him to the emergency room. No stitches were needed but we spent the night with him in his room just in case the bleeding started again. Second child: We walked over to her, picked her up and quickly bandaged her up. We spent the next two hours rocking her in the living room to comfort the pain. Third child: I told my wife that if he was still crying in a couple of minutes, we should go o

Murphy said to his daughter, "I want you home by eleven o'clock." She said, "But Father, I'm no longer a child!" He said, "I know, that's why I want you home by eleven."

I believe no problem is so large or so difficult that it can't be blamed on someone else.

Well both the girl and the emo bleed blood and both of them are annoying as hell in the process.

It is really insulting when someone from the Greenwich restaurant see you eating a pizza from Pizza Hut.

The winter's passed, The summer's here. For this we thank Our party dear!

At a local college dance in Sweden, an American asked a local girl to dance. While they were dancing, he gave her a little squeeze, and whispered, "In America, we call this a hug." She replied, "Yaah, in Sveden ve call dis a hug, too." A little later, he gave her a peck on the cheek. "In America, we call this a kiss." She replied, "Yaah, in Sveden ve call dis a kiss, too." A few drinks later, they moved out to the campus lawn and had sex. "In America," he told her, "we call this a grass sandwich." She replied, "Yaaah, in Sveden ve call dis a grass sandwich, too, but ve put more meat in it!"

Girl eagerly asks her boyfriend "Where is my birthday gift?" The boyfriend points to a sports car across the street and says "You see that beautiful and expensive Ferrari on the other side of the road?" Girl gets excited and screams, "Yeah!" Boy, also excitedly, says, "Well, I got you the same color nail varnish!"