Q: What does a 1000 pound bird say?? A: SQUAWK!!!

1. Iraqi Head Found With Arms 2. Man Loses Toes in Snow, but Timesheet Submitted 3. Crack found on Governor's Daughter 4. Miners Refuse To Work After Death 5. Eight Arms Found In Octopus

What's the difference between a black man and a large pizza? -------------- a large pizza can feed a family of four What do sperm and black men have in common? -------------- only one in a million work!!

There was a boy who never, ever lied. He always told people the truth and/or his opinion. Like when he broke a glass vase, he said that he broke it. He was rewarded a few days later for telling the truth, even though he was grounded. One day a lady asked him, "What do you think of my dress? It cost me thousands of dollars." The boy replied, "That is the most stupid dress I have ever seen in my life, and will haunt me in my afterlife! It's more terrible than a fifty-year old swine that was drowned in mud when it was three! I think you should go back to the garbage disposal and feed it to a goat!" He said all that truthfully. After he said that, the lady called 911 and he went to juvenile h

I think the next election just got a lot easier for President Obama 'cause his response to every question during the debates will be: 'Wait, I forget...Did you kill Osama Bin Laden? Or did I kill Osama Bin Laden. Oh no, it was me, wasn't it?'" –Craig Ferguson "President Obama must be very happy because he finally took down his arch enemy: Donald Trump. The bin Laden announcement interrupted 'Celebrity Apprentice.'" –Craig Ferguson "Osama bin Laden's death has been in the news all day. Leftish stations are going, 'President Obama saves the world.' Stations on the right are going, 'Obama kills fellow Muslim.'" –Craig Ferguson "I don't like this new Obama who hunts Muslim extremists. I

Why was the diver angry at the diving board? Because it flipped him off.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.

Why are the blonde's boobs square? She forgot to take the tissues out of the box!

An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament. Dear Bubba, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the lot for me. Love Dad A few days later he received a letter from his son. Dear Dad, For heaven's sake, dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the BODIES! Love Bubba At 4 the next morning, F.B.I. agents and loc

Q. Why do young blondes carry goldfish in their pockets? A. So they can smell like old blondes.

Every solution breeds new problems.